Barcelona is moving. All of it. To Chelmsford.

Ok, I read that wrongly. Barcelona football club are rebuilding their stadium, the Camp Nou. Which loosely translates from the ancient Catalan dialect as ‘you’re very likely going to lose here’. Already the largest football-only stadium in the world, they want it bigger, better, nicer, more Barcelona-ish. And why not. They are (prepare for a very big and profound statement:) the biggest and best football team in the whole world.

I visited the Nou Camp a few years ago. There was no match on so Mel made me take the tour. Which was very slow as she had to keep dragging me off my knees as I worshipped at the alter of pure football every time I realised where I was. I prostrated myself upon that haloed ground in supplication. For a lover of football Barcelona is Mecca. It is heaven. Jerusalem. White Hart Lane. But in the sunshine. And bigger. Much, much bigger.

And hard to believe that that wonderful stadium was built in 1950, such is its state-of-the-artness and impressiveness. But they want to increase it to 105,000 seats and other odds and ends, so they’re planning a rebuild.

But they are Barcelona. They don’t just find an Oligarch in the nearest upmarket brothel and get him to part with a few hundred mil, they’re not like that. Nor would they go courting an Emirate for stadium and shirt shit. They’re owned by their members who all get to vote on such matters. 100,000 of them. The new stadium will be called Camp Nou. Maybe Camp Nou-er. But not The Saudi Arabian Airlines. Nor Tescos, Sports Direct, The Fatwa or The Wonga. They are not Chelsea or Manchester City.

Best of all, the cheapest season ticket to see the greatest football played every week by the greatest club, costs 500 Euros. Not even one of our English ‘monkeys’. The best ticket is 1000 Euros. Half what the equivalent costs to watch Real Madrid. And about a third of what it costs to endure Spurs’ yearly quest for self-destruction.

All is not total perfection in Barca. There’s the Neymar ‘scandal’ where it appears the little Brazillian was acquired by much dodgy dealing and consequent tax evasion. Which resulted in the departure of the club president. But its hardly Harry Rednap.

So we now await the members’ vote to see if, by 2020, the rebuild will come about. The stadium is already Barcelona’s second largest tourist attraction and they want to double the tour capacity so that Gaudi’s cathedral can become the booby prize for those who can’t get tickets for the stadium tour.

I’m so happy to be a Barcelona fan. Can you just imagine how depressing it would be to support a team like… like Spurs, for instance? Jesus. All that disappointment, all that upset. That would be just totally FUCKING AWFUL.

Happy Friday

A xxxx