Ok, Qatar is absolutely ready for next year’s World Cup being held there. In November, for a change, because in the usual June/July for such an event, the heat is sufficient that any non-desert dweller could stand it for no more than 2.7 minutes before dehydrating and a further 3.2 until they die. In November, temperatures are a much more pleasant 39 to 40 Celsius. The Danes will have no problem running round for 90 minutes (plus extra time, if necessary) in that.

So the stadia are ready. All 7. Built from scratch, obviously, because this ‘footballing nation’ (a major criterion for the award of hosting the tournament) didn’t actually have a stadium worthy of the name. In fact, they didn’t, as a nation, own a football. But heh, its done, right? They won their battle in 2010 to host a World Cup and we won’t let trivial details upset that, will we? The fact that the FIFA board who voted them winners have all been sacked, imprisoned or awaiting trial for corruption. Details, details.

So not only are the stadia now ready and gleaming and shining (probably a few diamonds to increase the sparkle, ya know how they are in Doha), but also, they’ve managed to bury all the dead who built those footballing palaces. Of whom there were 6,500. I know, its hard to believe but six and a half thousand migrant workers died building those arenas. That is bigger than the attendance of most Division 1 and 2 games on every weekend. And I’m not questioning their ‘health & safety’ regulations in any way, but SIX AND A HALF THOUSAND!!!!

They also, before they died, managed to build a few extra bars, even though alcohol is forbidden in Qatar, but they’re going to allow it for ‘forriners’. As long as they don’t get drunk. That’s illegal and arrests will follow. Same for kissing on the streets. Not that the Italian ‘Ultras’ are going to be kissing the Stockport Inter-City Firm too much, but just be warned.

They’ve put up all the gallows they’re going to need for offenders. The pillories and whipping posts are almost complete and the pits are being dug where they can stone gay people to death.

I’m totally on board with this up-coming World Cup and now that Lady Gaga is being invited, I can hardly wait. Being a proper football fan.

Book your tickets now.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx