The new Tarantino movie, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, now previewing at Cannes, excites me. Apparently it is ‘brilliant’ and 5 ****** and all the usual stuff from the critics which generally means f-all once you’re sitting there with your popcorn. But in Tarantino, we believe.

The Champions League final excites me greatly. An incredible achievement to get to such a place, considering the ride to get there. ‘Bumpy’ barely covers the group stages. I won’t be there in Madrid, alas, I’ll either be with Lila, Lila and her new brother or Lila and her by then exceptionally pregnant mother, phone in hand, ambulance on speed-dial. And best of all; we’re underdogs. Like we were against Manchester City, Ajax and as we certainly were last Xmas with just 1 point from 3 games. Who knows? But we can dream, and we have to believe. I’ve spoken to Spurs fans from London who are flying to Valencia, Barcelona, Porto, Amsterdam and then getting trains/flights/buses to Madrid due to the m*th*f*ckers at EasyJet hiking the fare to the Spanish capital to 1500 quid as soon as Moura scored his last goal at Ajax. Stelios must be a Gooner, I reckon. Never flying with them again.

But tomorrow’s European elections don’t excite me at all. The best of all indicators of all that is bad with Europe. The rules say we have to have elections and that’s that. No give, no considerations, no possibility of a postponement, no slack for the fact that we may? we will?? we probably will not even be in Europe this time next week/month/year. No, we’re still in so we HAVE to elect representatives. And who wants to be elected to that? A job that may end in days/weeks… but certainly end in tears. All for just 148k a year plus about 3 million quid in ‘expenses’ and ‘benefits’, 2 ‘secretaries’, both former lingerie models from Lichtenstein, a house, car, driver, cook, personal trainer and masseuse. Who wants that for 3 months? Phah. So we have to waste all the time and effort and money in having an election.

And for the first time in my adult (loosely speaking) life, I don’t think I can be bothered to vote. I know, its some kind of ‘protest’, some type of ‘statement’, some show of disaffection for the government or hatred for Brexit or support for money-laundering, milkshake-absorbing Farage, or some such nonsense but its all bollocks and I’m not playing. If Corbyn’s not directly involved then I just don’t need to worry nor care.

Happy voting day

A xxxx