Twice in a week. How is it possible? Leaving Europe, that is. Once is short-sighted, shameful and stupid, but twice?? The first time was about politics, the economy, our prosperity and the future of our entire nation. But last night it was really important. It was football. And we’re out. Coming home. Disgraced.

Its not a disgrace to lose to Spain, Germany, Belgium. But it is to lose to Iceland. Because, and I’m sure they won’t be offended by this; they are not a footballing powerhouse. They’re barely a rechargeable battery.

I’ve been to Iceland. There’s nothing there. Its empty. We left there 3 days before that volcano exploded. Otherwise we’d still be there, waiting for the world’s biggest shit-cloud to disperse and the planes to start taking off again. But its a rather super place really. Or it was, until last night.

How dare they? How dare a nation with a population of 330,000 (what we here call ‘a small town’) defeat the most (expensively) footballing nation in the world with a population 200 times greater? Its statistically impossible (though, as always, depends who’s paying for the statistics), and makes no sense whatsoever. Iceland have one player from the top flight of football. If you consider Swansea to be the top flight of football. He’s a super player, he was at Spurs and he is brilliant. The rest are simply rejects from our esteemed footballing world, and all other European (remember ‘Europe’… ahhhhh, feels like it was only last Thursday…) leagues. Half of them are amateurs. Their manager is a fucking dentist. And we all hate dentists.

And Roy Hodgson is the highest paid manager at the tournament. Not that its entirely Roy’s fault, but we are human, therefore we need a focus for our displeasure, our contempt, our misery. Hi, Roy.

The tactics for last night’s game (which was simply agony to watch, start to finish) seemed to be: ok boys, wush into the spaces, get the ball wide and wun like cwazy down the middle. Then, when you’re 4 against 3, DON’T cwoss the ball. No. That’s what they’ll expect. Instead, sit on it for a minute and let the rest of the Icelanders get secure and comfortable behind the ball. Then give it away. They won’t be expecting that either…

Don’t these people realise; WE INVENTED THE BLOODY GAME!! Would it hurt to let us win something now and again? Would it?? Fucking Euro…

Tragic Tuesday

A xxxx