If Spurs had been about to win the league, in with chance to win the league, even if there had been a glimmer that a 14-nil victory for Spurs coupled with a 97-3 loss by Leicester could possibly make us champions, I’d be on my way to Newcastle right now. Probably on the train with elder daughter and Tory Boy, who are somewhere near Rotherham right as we speak. Sitting quietly in their seats whilst all around 20,000 other Spurs fans, who’ve doubtless been drinking since 6.30 (last night; this morning; either works for me), are singing, shouting, chanting and, I sincerely hope, persecuting anyone ‘neutral’ or unaware who has the terrible misfortune to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The younger daughter is also there. She went yesterday. She’s a recent Geordophile. No, its not a pervert, though she may be. Its someone who loves Newcastle. So the offer of a seat in the box offered by Tory Boy was accepted like a drowning man accepting air. Watching Spurs after a night in the wild clubs and bars or that town was too much for her to resist. And she’s not very good at resisting things anyway.

And thus my family is heavily represented at St James’s Park for the last match of our season. A match that, like so many, doesn’t matter a jot. Other than one little, pesky thing. If we win or draw we finish the season above Arsenal. For the first time since the Premiership began, 20 odd years ago. Both teams go the Champions League, neither has to qualify, its just a matter of ‘technicality’. Some things are just more technical than others.

For Newcastle this will not be a good day, not a happy day, not in any way enjoyable, win, lose or draw.

Relegation is sorted, the winners are sorted, all that’s left the not insignificant battle for 4th place.

Because even if you ignore (as if you can) the massive prestige and financial bonus of playing in the Champions League, which 4th place brings and 5th doesn’t, this year its even bigger. And between two of the most hateful teams in the league. If City beat Swansea then its theirs. End of story. If they draw, unless Man United beat Bournemouth 12 nil they’re still ok. But if they lose and United win, the latter go fourth. Ooooooooh.

So if United don’t qualify, Van Gaal, their seemingly hapless and dour manager will go. Which will be bad for Spurs. Because he’s fucking useless and that’ll be one less team to worry about next season if he stays. But if City don’t qualify it’ll be even funnier because the Great God that is Pep Guardiola will be managing a team who aren’t in the top tournament. And he won’t be happy about that. Good managers always like to inherit greatness and riches, its much easier than earning it.

Also, and probably more significant, I can’t find it in my really dislike Man United. But City? There’s no apparent limits to my contempt for them.

3 o’clock today. The end of the season finale.

Happy Sunday

A xxxx