Sometimes the news is so ‘good’, so funny, so stupid that you really don’t need people like me (as if) to take the piss out of it, it does it all by itself. And I think yesterday must have been ‘national tossers day’ or something because the ‘news’ today is just stupid.

A story that actually made it onto the front page of the Times is of a couple from Somerset who haven’t told anyone, even close family, the gender of their baby. Because ‘it’ can decide, when ‘it’ gets older.

How old do you reckon that should be? 2? 6? 11? I’m not sure either, but think its a great way to raise a child. Truly ‘gender neutral’. Except for its nob, if its a boy, or other bits, if otherwise. But that’s mere physiology!! Who needs it? Gender is oh so much more that what hangs (or not) between one’s legs. It’s an experience, its a feeling, its a drive, its… hmmmm, I can’t say ‘bollocks’ here, wouldn’t be appropriate in the context.

So little Jonny/Janey (name not revealed due to the hilarity it would probably cause, the mum’s name is actually ‘Hobbit’, so I hate to imagine) gets to grow up playing with BarKens and doggies and is dressed in… clothes. Neutral clothes. What porn will ‘it’ watch? Some parents make interesting choices for their children, others make stupid ones. I make no judgments.

Then Boris goes to Luxembourg (sounds like an Enid Blighton; as does Boris himself) to show the world his Incredibly Hulky way of leaving Europe but a bunch of housewives from Esher started heckling him so he didn’t turn up to the press conference. Skulked out the back door. Like Bruce Banner. Probably crying.

And here’s a tip for you: don’t ever drive through Rutland. The county. The smallest on the planet. Because there is no drive through. In fact there’s no McDonalds at all. Never has been. Not one of the burger chains 1249 UK stores is in that county. Because the residents of Rutland (up north a bit, blink and you’ll miss it) are simply, one must assume, ‘not the sort of people who indulge is food of a speedy nature’. You could say ‘stuck up’ but it would be rude. If accurate. But McDonalds has applied for a store and the council have approved it. To the outrage of the 40,000 residents of that fine, if almost worthlessly small, county. Who don’t want ‘golden arches’ and don’t want fast food.

I’d bulldoze the whole county and put a Primark there instead. Big one.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx