Gotta give it to Sir Kier; he don’t hang about. Hit the ground running. Hasn’t even had time to unpack his collection of Arsenal shirts at 10 Downing Street and he’s off, whizzing round the ‘Kingdom’ in search of allies. Starting in Scotland with the current leader of all of Scotland, Mr Not Nicola Sturgeon. I’ll bother to look up his name if he manages to last 3 months without a corruption scandal or rape conviction. I think Starmer went there as his first port of call because the guy was available. Wee Jimmy No Mates. The First Minister of Scotland had just seen his party get hammered in the Westminster elections, losing three quarters of their seats there. And is the head of a party that no-one likes any more, a party with but one message: separation. Which no-one wants to hear. So his diary is completely blank and the chance to speak to Kier was something he could just squeeze in between golf (all Scots play golf) and lunch (haggis and chips). A very productive meeting they had too. Discussing… well, important political shit involving England and Scotland, obviously, possibly the Loch Ness Monster.

Then Kier flew over to Northern Ireland to try to understand what various leaders and deputy leaders of former terrorist organisations were saying as they strangled our language into something akin to Russian. More productivity. And too much productivity is exhausting so he went to Wales where nothing ever happens and he could be gloriously unproductive.

Meanwhile the rest of his party did what incoming politicians always do to show they mean business; they put on hard hats. Yellow ones. Over 400 MPs went around the country disrupting good and struggling businesses, reducing productivity for a photo opportunity which cost 400 factories at least 2 hours of lost production whilst Angela Raynor learned to rivet and the Chancellor of the Exchequer put a screw in a car door all by herself.

And now Kier’s off to New York for a NATO summit of all the big-wigs and strutting plutocrats and world leaders. Where he belongs. Where all that destiny and productivity has led him. To take his seat at the top table of world authority. No, not Putin’s house, NATO.

And talking of Putin, he bombed a children’s hospital in Kiev yesterday. It was all over the news. And terrible, tragic and to be honest, disgusting. If Waze knows when I’m in the passenger seat and shouldn’t be driving, Putin knows where his missiles are going. So I’m waiting for the marches, the protests, the demands on politicians, the upsetting of all democratic process in the name of those poor children, murdered. Well, I thought that’s what we do when we disagree with international politics. Oh, no, of course, only against Israel, sorry, what was I thinking.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx