We’re in the final. Its amazing. My Lionesses are one step away from being world champions!!! Ok, it can be quite a big step, but you have to feel confident. Sarina Wiegman (surely a Damehood is just around the corner; what’s the situation with the Dutch?) has groomed (not like that) this squad into something special. Unlike the men’s teams, she has engendered a culture of winning. She is the star, the eleven blond pony-tails running around the pitch are just an extension of her will. They won the European Championships and now they’re poised for totally dominant greatness and re-writing history and all that other shit they all bang on about in the papers.

So today, a special flight is being arranged to take King Charles out to Sydney. And Camilla. Prince William, the head of the Football Association of the whole of England is hitching a ride and Rishi Sunak will be going along too. Tony Blair. Robbie Williams. A few Spice Girls. Geoff Hurst. Harry Kane. Prue Leith. All going out there for this historic and amazing outpouring of national pride.

Oh. The flight’s been cancelled. No-one’s going. No-one cares. Rishi’s busy. Prince Wills has a busy diary, everyone else… doin’ stuff, can’t go, sorry, maybe next time.

Yeah, next time A NATIONAL TEAM IS IN A WORLD CUP FINAL!!!

I think this is really shitty. No-one’s going to be there. Oh, sorry, the ‘culture secretary’ will attend ‘on behalf of His Majesty’s (poxy) government’. And if you can name her without googling there’s a prize draw for the actual bra worn by your favourite player in the final!!!

I haven’t yet watched a whole match, I have to confess. In fact I haven’t watched very much of any match, England or otherwise. I hate myself for that, there’s no denying it. But if it was ‘the boys’, every Tom, Dick and Suella would be grabbing freebie tickets as voluntary ‘ambassadors’ for our nation, jumping on Sarina’s gravy train, riding on a blond pony tail and having a few days on Bondi beach whilst I’m there, thank you very much. Its not about ‘the distance’, and I’ve done that trip 3 times and that’s more than enough for any lifetime. Its not about anything other than a bunch of total fucking hypocrites telling us how ‘its all about the legacy, the advancement of the women’s game, etc, etc’, and then not being arsed enough to make the trip, cos its only a bunch’a gels, innit?

Shame on them all.

Happy Friday

A xxxx