Yesterday we went to see the Zabludowicz Collection. Yeah, someone’s been collecting Zabludowiczes for years and put them in a cabinet in Kentish Town…

Oh, not reaeaeaeaeallllly. Mr & Mrs Z (I can’t be arsed with writing that out every time) are wealthy art collectors. And they put their collection of modern art together in a sweet little former church for the world to see. And as Mel and I count ourselves as part of ‘the world’ we went down to see it. Mel had seen an ad in the paper and the picture shown therein was kind’a cool. Though, unlike most of the art in the exhibition, it was actually a paintin’. Like, painted on canvas with paint. Much of that on display were what we now call ‘installations’. Which is term formerly used for boilers, computer systems, central heating. Now art gets installed. For better or worse.

The one shown above (on the left, that’s actually Mel on the right, pretending to be an artwork) was a demonstration of man’s inhumanity to man; possibly a show of the artist’s inner turmoil after a particularly troublesome curry, or his displeasure at Chelsea winning the League. What it looked like was an open perspex tube daubed with shit. Like a contemporary take on the old ‘dirty protests’. And that was one of the better things.

You know you’re in trouble when you can’t decide what is artwork and what might be just the packaging it arrived in. There were piles of plastic containers, just stacked there on a pallet. There were rooms filled with flashing lights, tv screens and horrible music. There was a step ladder from which you down onto a screen showing images, the screen sitting on a pile of cat litter. Brilliant. Fucking serious ‘art’.

When we went to the toilet, I had to ask 3 people if these were actual places for people to relieve themselves, or just more ‘installations’. Well, you wouldn’t take a piss onto the Mona Lisa, would you? (Newcastle fans need not answer that and if they do we will waive prosecution).

Ironically, the toilets were great, the rest was full of shit.

I hope Mr and Mrs Z enjoy their art collection. I really do. That old expression: ‘a fool and his money are easily parted’ kept springing to mind.

Happy Bank Holiday Monday

A xxxx