Tomorrow we get to vote. On ‘assisted dying’. Whether our nation-state becomes complicit in murder (if you’re a Catholic/Christian/anti-abortionist/Hassidic Jew/devout anything) or whether it allows people the freedom to choose their time of death when there is absolutely no hope and staying alive only adds pain, suffering and loss of dignity (if you’re me). Or not.

To be honest, I don’t think the bill, as it currently stands, goes quite far enough. It needs to include people with more than 6 months to live but with all the above criteria of irreversible downward decline towards horrors. It needs to include people who no longer have the ability to ‘administer their own suicide’, because they’re the ones who really need it. It should include anyone who sits at a green traffic light staring at their phone. And anyone actually adhering to the 20mph speed limit. And telesales people generally.

I haven’t mentioned my brother for a while. Since they told us he has terminal cancer, back in July, is too weak (after 6 months in the ICU, who wouldn’t be?) for treatment, and ‘won’t make Christmas’. Well, as he’s not eating, he won’t miss the turkey. And yet seems, in relatively ‘rude health’ for that prediction. Even though he’s totally bed-bound and hasn’t moved significantly since January. Though he was ‘moved’ in July to a nursing home for his ‘palliative care’, which was a really good move. It’s very nice there. And on the basis that ANYWHERE IS BETTER THAN THE ROYAL FUCKING FREE, he’s doing ok.

So he has darker days, as you would. But generally he’s ’in a good place’. Which was made more ‘good’ by his decision never to go back to the hospital for any more blood transfusions. Which he’s done about 4 times in the last month. And he absolutely fucking hates it. Not the procedure, that’s nothing. The ambulances, the waiting, the sheer NHS-ness of the whole extended, protracted, paint-drying-ness of being lifted about. When all he wants is to lie in his bed and listen to Alexa play him stuff.

I told him that his decision (should he choose to stick with it) may actually ‘put him ahead of the assisted dying bill’. Which, in our little Monty-Python inspired, The Young Ones sustained, world where sick and dark humour prevails, he thought was very funny. Because he still acts like my brother, talks like my brother, insults and abuses me like my brother (don’t worry, its reciprocated, like you’re worried…), he just doesn’t move much.

He’s in no pain, no discomfort. And I think a place where he’s not afraid of dying. So now, with his decision for pretty much ‘no more intervention’, it’s almost like he’s been liberated. Like he’s ’back in control’. And as we sat there this morning with ‘Carry on Wayward Son’ thumping out of the speaker (by Kansas, such a great track), he was just ‘Rich’. Not a patient, not a dying man, just Rich. He’ll die when he dies and just doesn’t want to suffer.

So if that does not simply define the entire ‘assisted dying debate’, then I invite any dissenting voters to come with me to see my brother.

Happy voting

A xxxx