You know when you read something and you think: “no”. Then you think: NO!. Then you think: “are you fucking radio rental???” Well such an experience befell me yesterday when I got bored with Theresa May’s tearful farewell to the nation. Which she loves. So much that she has single-handedly managed to fuck it up almost beyond salvation. But that’s for another time.

I read that Heathrow airport is going to impose its own ULEZ. Ultra Low Emission Zone, like they’re having in London soon. They will levy a charge, probably 15 quid, on every car that delivers a person to a flight, unless the car is electric or exempt from ULEZ criteria.

And they’re doing this because ‘of the terrible air quality in the area’. And NOT, I repeat NOT, just because they have the power to make ever such a lot of extra money for absolutely nothing whilst standing on the ‘environmental protection’ pedestal which will protect them from any possible accusations of profiteering. ‘We need to clean up the air, so we’ll tax cars with poor emission quality and save the planet’. Holier than fucking God, that is.

Heathrow must now be run by Americans. From Kansas. Because no-one else in the world could miss the tragic irony of charging a 2017 diesel Golf for emissions whilst, in the same time period, release 17 FUCKING MASSIVE, JET-PROPELLED AIRCRAFT into the atmosphere.

Loosely speaking (as opposed to… something much more accurate and exact) a plane emits approximately 10,000 times the emissions of a car. Especially during take-off. So the moralistic, green argument is in line with a great fat bastard ordering the most supersized meal McDonalds can produce, adding an extra-family sized pepperoni pizza from Dominos and saying that for his diet he’s gonna leave the crusts. Well, leave one crust.

It’s pathetic. I don’t ride high on the whole cleaner planet thing, unlike my mate who won’t play tennis if any one of his 3 air quality widgets tells him that purity has been compromised. For me, I don’t care. Should do but it falls into the ‘what can ya do?’ category so far outside my control that it might as well be my bladder. But if Heathrow want to impose a restrictive, nasty, evil, fascistic ‘bastard-tax’ on normal folks just ‘because they can’ then fuck ‘em. And the plane they rode in on. I’m not going to fly from there… for this week, possibly the next one as well.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx