Ok, so tennis was rained off. Man plans, God laughs. Though I thought He’d be too busy with Charles’ coronation, like everyone else, to bother about keeping me wet. So I had absolutely no choice but to watch the ‘event’. It was on BBC1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. And there isn’t even a ‘5’. It was on Channel 4, ITV, Sky (19 of their channels) and even channel 5 showed it, but performed by second-rate actors from dodgy soap operas. I went on to Netflix instead, but they were only showing episodes of ‘The Crown’ and ‘Game of Thrones’, though later they have ‘Queen’s Gambit’. Sky Musical was showing ‘The King and I’ and ‘Dave’ was showing a repeat of the last coronation, Elizabeth’s. On all other channels was ‘Songs of Praise’.

Westminster Abbey is the star. However many ridiculous costumes are being worn by the assembled cast of dignitaries, that building is just ‘something else’. Which I was fine with until Jesus came in. Not even wearing the uniform of the 5th Welsh Fusiliers, NOR, the 27th Lancashire Artilleries. But Justin Webly told me He was there and that’s good enough for me. So we better sing a few songs for him. Then God arrived and that seemed to cause yet more delays to the business of sticking a big heavy crown on an old man’s head. Hymns, readings, all sorts of religious bollocks, the sole purpose of which is to check out the frocks everyone’s wearing.

Charles had to choose which uniform to wear. He opted for his naval Admiral’s one, rather than army General or Air Force Top Gun. Joey would have gone as Batman. But Charles never did ‘active service’. Harry and William did which is why Wills gets to dress up like a chocolate soldier and Harry, the most soldierly of them all, has to wear a suit. Because he married a woman of mixed race. And he gets to sit in the 3rd row, where no-one can hear him slagging off The Queen. Whilst Wills is right up there with the swords, orbs, sceptres and the amazing collection of Royal Paraphernalia which serves no purpose ever, in any situation, nor has done, for 800 years. But it looks nice on the telly.

I find it a bit difficult to reconcile the deeply religious Jesusness and spirituality with everyone dressed in full military regalia carrying swords, knives and guns. Ok, not guns, but they would do given half a chance. But that’s just me. Maybe there’s going to be a sacrifice. For the new King and Queen.

But before that: more hymns!! Loads more. Because you can never have enough.

This is the best day ever. I’ll never forget it. And if I do, they’ll be showing it on Dave for the next 22 years.

Happy Coronation Day

A xxxx