Never mind Rachie living here, I almost feel like its ‘home’ here. ‘Specially in ‘our’ new apartment, which is gorgeous. So this is not your regular tourist Berlin, checkpoint-charlie, hitler’s bunker, all the schnitzengruben you can eat, type trip. This is about living here. About supermarkets. They have Lidl AND Aldi. Both within a 5 minute walk. In fact there’s a Lidl 3 minutes in either direction. Different ones. Not just me getting lost and going round in circles. I think.

The first thing about Berlin in January is: ITS FUCKING COLDDDDDD!!! But like, really, really cold. Its ‘only’ zero degrees out there but in the wind (there’s always wind) it feels like -62. At least its not raining like our last trip in November, when it didn’t stop.

The other thing you notice, especially when you’re in a supermarket, is that everything here is generally written in German. With no subtitles for the linguistically challenged. Like… Rachie. So shopping takes an age. An era. The sell-by dates expire as you stand there trying to work out what the fuck it all means. I was happily buying some cling-film until a lovely old German lady informed me it was baking parchment stuff. The words here are so long. Which is quite helpful as quite often they explain what things are. So a sink plunger would be called something like ‘ein thingumyoufsuckingsheissefromdasink’. Easy peasy. Other words are more difficult. Much more difficult. But we’ll get there. I have to become fluent by Monday when we come home.

And home is London, in case you didn’t know. And London is positively reeling under a massive insult from the President of the whole world, Donald J Trump. Who is no longer coming to visit us!!! Holy shit! And all because ‘Obama’s’ plan (actually it was George W Bush but no-one told the Trumpster) for moving their embassy from posh Grosvenor Square over to downmarket but very very up’n’coming Vauxhall is, in his words ‘a bad deal’. Luckily its only costing a billion quid so its not like its important or anything. But its irrelevant. Its not about real estate. Its about cowardice. And ‘fake news’. Trump once again is using his allegedly most despised media tool, fake news, to fakely change the news. Which is that he’s scared to come because we all fucking hate him and he won’t get to sleep with the Queen. Or whatever she does with really important people who aren’t orange. There’ll be protests everywhere and his ‘hero’s welcome’ will in reality be about egg-throwing and lots of screaming abuse.

Insult London, ya tosser, you insult MEEEE.

Lucky I’m not there.

Happy Saturday night

A xxxx