Boris and his (latest) bird had a barney. A big one. So ‘big’ that a neighbour called the police. Though not before pressing ‘record’ on his phone and sending it to the Guardian.

There’s no law against having a row with your partner. Apparently other people do it at times too. Even to the point of ‘GET OUT MY FUUUUCCCCKKKIIIINNNNGGG HOUSE!!!!!’ Or flat. It happens. It’s human. Not necessarily humanity at its best, but we aren’t always at our best.

Nor, dare I say, does ‘having a row with your bird’ imply any major character flaw or moral vacuum or render you unfit for high office. It just happens.

Yet its made the headlines in every single daily paper today, other than, bizarrely, the Guardian. Who a. Had the story first, and b. Fucking hate Boris and all other Tories.

Yet the Guardian is right (never written before, nor will be again). This is a complete ‘un-story’. It is nothing. A domestic squabble. And unless we are privy to the cause of the ruckus, which we’re not and we won’t be, it has to be relegated to a completely irrelevant day in the life of Boris. We can’t judge him on it, we won’t vote for him because of it and we won’t banish him from Prime Ministership due to it. Cos we don’t know what ‘it’ might have been. And thus all the Tory papers have said, basically, ‘so what?’ and all the Labour papers have been calling him ‘unfit to lead the country!!!’.

Similarly politicised is Mansion House Gate where Foreign Office Minister Mark Field was having his tuxedo dinner waiting to hear our esteemed chancellor speak, when a group of climate protesters ran in, screaming, even though they were dressed quite smartly in their red dresses. They were women, I’m guessing. Mark Field sprang to his feet, grabbed the nearest red dress, with its contents, and frog-marched it out of the room to the waiting security. For which he may now face charges of assault. And again, all the climate changers and other tree-hugging types are accusing him of most charges short of rape and child abuse. And most Conservatives are asking what he should have done to disrupting hoarders of trouble-makers. The decision as to what’s ‘right and wrong’ in this is once again merely a reflection of your political position before the ‘attack’. If you change ‘tree huggers’ to any cause you are personally sympathetic with, and ‘business leaders’ to a nice group, like ‘Spurs fans’, your perspective changes too.

Whereas the cyclist who knocked a pedestrian over is a bit different. He was, by all accounts, a considerate and careful rider, using his voice and a loud Claxon horn to warn pedestrians of his presence. He tried to avoid the pedestrian. But they ‘met’ in a heap. Mainly because said pedestrian was staring at her fucking phone at the time. The court found it an equal cause accident but, for some reason, awarded her costs against the cyclist, of 100 grand. And here there is no ambiguity, no preconceptions applied, this is really simple. Anyone walking along, crossing roads, staring at their phone is a tosser beyond the norm and everyone else has the right to murder them if they see fit, without facing any charges. Rather, rightful death of a zombie should bring a reward.

I make no judgments.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx