If they made a boy-scout badge for murder, what would it look like? A woman with someone’s hands on her throat, like a cartoonish Nigella and Saatchi? Or a knife in a heart? I think we should speak to the scouts associations and inquire. Also there should be badges for adultery, sado-masochism and sexual prowess, possibly for football violence and joy-riding too. Cross-dressing. Pole dancing. In the Romanian Scouts they have them for shop-lifting, pocket-picking and sleeping rough in Park Lane.

I was never a Boy Scout. They never wanted me. Ok, I never asked to join. Even as a kid I thought the whole enterprise a little bit creepy. Particularly the uniform. I have no specific objection to short trousers (as opposed to just ‘shorts’, which are fine) except they are exceptionally stupid. Less so on the little boys of the Scout movement, but very much so on the leaders, the grown men with their little trousers and funny things round there necks and all manner of bizarre scouty stuff.

The Boy Scouts were invented in 1907 by Lord Baden-Powell. Who was 50 at the time and had a burning desire to spend a lot of his time around little boys wearing shorts. Would never be allowed to happen today in the post-Savile, dark-side-of-Rolph-Harris era. But in 1907 the words ‘game boy’ had a very different meaning to what it does today.

I’m generally in favour of any activity or group of activities that gets the kids off their tubby little arses, away from the tv and their computers for a few hours to go out, catch butterflies, plant seeds, tie knots, sail a boat and make tents. But I’m not convinced that becoming a Boy Scout is anything but plain fucking weird.

Lord Baden-Powell’s great grandson has just been sentenced to prison for murdering his wife. In Australia. Who’d’a thought that you were’t allowed to do such a thing in Brisbaine? But apparently its almost as illegal there as it is here, in a civilised country. If you watched Home & Away, as my family do, you’d think wife-murder was more common than barbecuing. Prawns, not wives. They’re a bit tough in the eating. Specially gym-toned, surfer-babe, Home & Away type wives. Anyway, Gerald Baden-Clay (yes, it is a rather oddly derivative name that’s passed through that line) strangled his poor, long-suffering wife after having long-standing affairs with lots of other gym-toned, Home & Awayesque women. Then drove her 8 miles away and dumped her by a river. Is that a fit way to behave in a marriage?

And watching the Germans parade the World Cup by the Brandenberg Gate yesterday brought tears to my eyes. And memories. Do we allow Germans to congregate in such large groups? In public?? Where’s the Yankee troops when ya need ’em?

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx