Caroline Lucas is an MP for the Green Party. And there ain’t many of them, so she’s doing alright. In fact she is the parliamentary Green Party, all by herself. And she came up with a plan. Not just a plan to elevate her from her normal status of “Caroline who? Oh, her, she’s a Green, just ignore her and she’ll just go back to her own eco-friendly, fully-recyclable (natural) yoghurt pot” to a new Special Role! No, it was for the ‘good of the nation’. She made a suggestion that as Brexit was something of a problem, it must be because the majority of those talking about it were men. And men are always a problem. Apparently. Whereas women offer ‘a different perspective’. Which I agree with totally. If we’re talking about childbirth. Or offsides. Or certain types of sexual practices. But not usually about political issues. I mean, in case Caroline hadn’t noticed, Theresa May was a woman. Most of the time.

Anyway, Caroline put forward a suggestion which, like most suggestions made by ‘the Greens’ was a bit silly. She wanted to create and lead a new ‘cabinet’, as in a collection of MPs rather than something for the bathroom (mainly because she’s opposed to abusing trees to use their wood whereas most government cabinets are made from completely dead wood, which is recyclable. And this new cabinet was to be comprised of women, and only women. So it would be less… testosteroney, less aggressive, competitive, less… manly than a normal one. It would be sisterly. Friendly. Pleasant. Women are never ever bitchy, that’s a fact. That’s why its called ‘bitchy’ and not ‘doggy’. But this cabinet would be warm and inclusive. Like a knitting circle. But without the gay bloke who lives by the Rectory.

Then Caroline realised her mistake. The women she’d written to with invitations, all MPs of note and renown, were all white. Holy shit!! And for the Green party image of inclusivity, diversity, hugging trees of any colour, this was a bad thing. And Caroline apologised sincerely.

So therefore, we must conclude, that in Green-world, being a racist, even by omission or by lack of inclusivity, is terrible, but being the most sexist and gender discriminatory person since Harvey Weinstein is ok. Right, I’m learning the rules slowly and making notes so I don’t forget or confuse them.

The answer to the problem was probably Diane Abbott. But any time, in any circumstance, in any universe, parallel or otherwise, that the ANSWER is Diane Abbott, then you’re asking the wrong question.

Happy Green and Inclusive Friday

A xxxx