As we were on the tube, Sunday afternoon, on our way to the Victoria & Albert Museum, on a gloriously sunny day, happening about 50 yards above us, to meet ‘the twin’ and together go to visit the Cartier exhibition!!, I was thinking: ‘and why am I going, exactly?’.

Not that I don’t simply love amazing jewellery and watches. Not that I don’t just adore clusters of diamonds and rubies and sapphires. And not that I don’t lust after beautiful necklaces and bangles and even stomachers. Yes, you read that correctly. Was new to me as well. So I took a pic. Above. Me and a ‘stomacher’. Worth about 50 billion quid. That’s just me. No idea what that thing was worth. I’d have to work out where you put it before buying it. Clue: it’s not on your stomach.

But this wasn’t about ‘buying it’. I had noticed that none of the hundreds of items on view had price tags. Unlike the museum shop, which has loads. And if a cheap, cloth shopping bag with a necklace drawn on it (probably by Taiwanese children) costs 20 quid, what’s the chances of getting that great lump of platinum, encrusted with thousands of tiny diamonds surrounding a 35 carat emerald, for less than a ton? For cash?

I don’t question the magnificence of any of the items on display. Some weighed so much that it took two very strong men to place them round the necks of very little women. Like walking round with a car hanging round your neck. Or, hobbling round, maybe. Because these were jewels made for Maharajas and Maharanis. And other people who do a lot of sitting and being carried around by servants.

I had to go because I’m obsessed with culture and history and the pure aesthetic of masterful art-works, which is what Cartier represents. And also, I went because there was no football on tv. And yes, I got a bit ‘jewelled out’ after the 25th amazing necklace… ok, maybe by the 3rd, but I didn’t moan, nag, or keep asking for snacks. Because it was all quite magnificent.

But when we saw the little video showing how they actually made one of their trademark ‘tigers’ that I really marvelled. Because it is simply amazing, the skill and the time involved. It gave me a new respect for what I was seeing. For at least 4 minutes.

Basically, it’s the most ostentatious and flamboyant stuff you’ll ever see not wrapped round a rapper’s neck. It’s marvellously created and wonderfully put together. I have thus had cause to re-assess my view of Messrs Cartier. No longer will I consider them as “a bunch of upmarket bling-peddlers and no ally in the class war, fucking French fascist tossers!!” They now have my total respect. I just wouldn’t wanna wear it. Maybe a tank watch…

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx