I’m glad I have a beard. Even though I’m not in Afghanistan. Because over there they have an expression: bacha bareesh, which means ‘boys without beards’. Which in turn means that they’re pre-pubescent. Not that they choose to be clean-shaven, but that they simply aren’t old enough to shave yet. Maybe its to differentiate them from the older women of that nation, most of whom do have beards. But in the seriously fucked up, screwy world of the Taliban, these boys are great fun. There’s even a saying over there: women are for child-rearing, boys are for pleasure. No irony then that both homosexuality and paedophilia are strictly forbidden under the strict Islamic rule. Because these poor kids, their version of rent boys, are a perfectly acceptable part of Afghan culture. Go figure.

All I know is; despite the constant protestations from the females in my immediate family: THE BEARD STAYS! Otherwise I shave it off, the next thing, I’m on a plane to Kabul, nooooooo…

Over in Europe, the football goes on. And on. And on. In last night’s ‘thrilling’ battle of the pickpockets, Albania beat Romania 1-0. And the question on everyone’s lips is: ‘who gives a shit?’

The competition started with 24 teams. The finalists. Two weeks in and countless group games later, we’ll soon know which teams qualify for the knockout stages! But of those 24, sixteen qualify. So we’ve endured two weeks of Slovaks and Ukrainians and Albanians and virtually everyone is going through. Its the very opposite of ‘excitement’. It is ‘dull-ment’. And you can bet its all about tv. The more matches that are on the more the tv companies have to pay for the rights. Even though I can’t imagine Albania vs Romania taking many viewers away from Downton Abbey. How many adverts for beer and online gambling does any nation need?

England play their last group game tonight. Against those very Slovaks that I really don’t like. I don’t like any of the East Europeans, they’re all racists and anti-semites and vile thugs. All of them.

And I’m bored with the dramatic headlines about England. Will we get through? Albania will fucking get through, if England don’t we really don’t deserve to even be there. Wales should hopefully get through too but I really can’t be bothered to work out the infinite number of possibilities hinging on tonight’s results.

Come on England!!!! ish…

Happy wet, rainy Monday

A xxxx