I’m gonna say it: Serena Williams is a beast. And I mean that in the nicest possible way, to refer only to her prowess on the court. She is fucking awesome. Verging on very, very scary, but if you can still scare opponents shitless when you’re 33 and they’re much younger, fitter, more athletic and lacking the inevitable history of injuries, then you’re a beast. Young Gabi (I just won’t bother with her proper name because even if I manage to spell it correctly, its meaningless, mispronounced nonsense syllables) was truly brilliant, as was the match. But Serena knows how to win matches. Eventually. I’m happy for her. She’s done a lot for ‘old people’.

Roger Federer is also old (in relative terms). Though never a beast. Roger is the un-beast. Others hit the ball harder, smash it louder, serve faster but Roger has something extra that no others possess. He has finesse, he has grace, he has unbelievable style. And he doesn’t sweat. How that is possible I know not. But its true. I think it safe to say that I sweat more just walking to my courts in the middle of January than Fed does playing 5 sets in 40 degrees in Melbourne. And as I too play with style (of a one-legged ski-jumper), with grace (of an elephant) and with consummate elegance (Keystone Cops springs to mind), I think I’m qualified to comment.

Djokovich is a wonderful, fantastic tennis player who surprised the world when interviewed a few years back by actually seeming quite nice. In stark contrast to his perceived persona. But Roger is beyond mere ‘nice’; he’s wonderful.

The first Ashes test finishes with an England victory. Four days was all it took to put all that brash arrogance in its place. Ok, I’m not the biggest cricket fan in the world but I just like beating the Aussies at anything, any time, anywhere.

But help is at hand. Not for the Aussies, I hope, but for mankind. The new football season is just a few short weeks away. And its all happening behind the scenes.

Spurs are sharing their new ground with the NFL, even having a retractable pitch so the Yanks can play on the artificial surface that lives underneath the proper one, thus can play without ruining our grass.

Chelsea too are rebuilding (though not as big as ours; nneeuur nneeur ne-nneeur-nneeur) and want to hire Wembley for the transition times. Not content with Milton Keynes, like Spurs may have to be. (Milton fucking Keynes? Gimme a break.)

And Bastien Schweinsteiger is moving to Manchester United. The bastard love-child of Eva Braun and Franz Beckenbaur is to grace Old Trafford next season. I hope he’s happy there. I hope he’s happier there than Di Maria, than Falcao, and all the others duffers who’ve worked almost as well as Spurs recent acquisitions.

Happy Sunday

COME ON ROGER

A xxxx