In 2010, just after Gordon Brown lost the previous general election, the Labour party held its leadership competition. Andy Burnham did ok in the bikini section but his ‘personal skill’ in pretending to be a Thunderbird puppet, although very realistic, was dreadfully dull. Ed Miliband’s Wallace and Gromit act stole the show, despite Ed stumbling on the questions about world peace. His brother, David, was The Man. Tony Blair (the most successful Labour leader ever) was his mentor, he was the natural successor. Smart, bright, smooth, statesmanlike. Ok, his tap-dancing was a little below par but as prospective party leader he really had no competition.

But brother Ed had done a deal with the Trade Unions. Vote me in, he had said, and I’ll spin an entire election about ‘working families’. I’ll fire up the old ‘class war’ terminology and we’ll all ‘hate the rich’ in their ‘mansions’ and make them pay for everything so we can provide ‘services’ for Union members, swap the Union Jack (with or without the Scottish bit) for a red, hammer & sickle flag and we’ll take Britain back to its ‘golden age’ of… er… well, when it was golden. Golden red.

So the hands go up in the voting, 23 on the ‘yes’ side, 97 on the ‘no’, but one hand, that of the Unite General Secretary, counts for 1.4 million votes. Its only fair. Its called ‘collective bargaining’ and as he represents 1.4 million people, that’s how many votes he gets. Even if just under half of them are opposed. Because its democratic that way. Right???

Thus did Ed steal the golden whatever from brother David, a man famously cold towards the Unions who pay for his party.

David acted pleased for brother Ed (who no-one had even heard of before that day), patted him on the back wished him well and left the country to go work in New York. Where he kept his mind to himself and would never be drawn into talk of Ed. Other than placatory good wishes when pressed and before the election. In short, he acted like a mensch. Albeit one who had his brothers 19 inch meat cleaver still sticking out of his back.

Until yesterday. When Miliband the Credible, Miliband the Other, Miliband the David broke his ‘silence’ and came out of the closet by calling his brother a ‘tosser’ like everyone else in the country’s been doing for 5 years, or at least since last Thursday. Because Ed got it wrong. By appeasing to the Unions Ed managed to alienate the massive majority of ‘middle-class’ and definitely hard-working people. The ones who Tony Blair called ‘middle England’ and realised long ago that without them, no election could be won. They termed it ‘New Labour’. Meaning Tory-Labour. David M would have continued in that vein, never offending the hard working job creators, the aspirationists.

The question now is who the Unions will vote leader of the Labour Party. Someone like Ed who toes the socialist line? Or someone decent who really is a bit anti-Trade-Union? Like Tony Blair or David Miliband?

I’d personally vote for Gary Monk. Anyone who can upset Arsene Wenger that much must be worthy of higher office.

Happy Monday

A xxxx