Israel is a country of truly biblical proportions. Big it ain’t, but its biblical qualifications are unquestionable. The price it pays for being the source of all the world’s religions is that they all in turn want it. But I’m not talking about politics. I’m talking about Jesus. Because he was born here. He lived here and in all likelihood he stayed at the same hotel as me here on the banks of the Sea of Galilee. Because this is the water upon which he walked. Not the little pool, unless he was actually in my room (how amazing would that be???? All us prophets and messiahs using the same bath!!!!) but on the lake beyond it. And he did lots of other weird stuff round here too, on the borders of the Golan Heights, where he hung out. So the renaming of various places using, instead of the usual Hebrew or Arabic names, with overtly Catholic titles. And words like ‘Beatitude’ which don’t exist in any other religion.

And I looked at the Lake yesterday and thought as I peered into its depths, how THESE were the fishes that HE turned to wine. With this water he… errrr… turned the other cheek. He was probably shaving. The beard thing is a myth. He fed the five thousand long before Uber Eats was even available. Though apparently if you sent a messenger for a pizza, just six days later a camel would arrive with one. From Rome. When the Romans eventually arrived here, ordering pizzas became less of a problem. A fair exchange for the total enslavement of the entire population, theft of the whole nation’s riches, death of hundreds of thousands of souls and a hundred years of tyrannical rule. At least you could eat the pizza still warm.

So to be here at Christmas time is just… well, its totally… you know, me, Jesus, the whole Judeo-Christian thing is just reduced to one simple, if immense, breakfast buffet. Well, that’s what it generally means to me. You think philosophy, history and religion on an empty stomach.

Later we’re driving down to Jerusalem. The very epicentre of 90% of the world’s troubles but in a really good way. And such a cool place. And from there we go to Masada for ‘the barmitzvah’. Masada is a hill. In the desert, by the Dead Sea. But was the site of siege by those same Romans, who couldn’t invade it because the town was on the top of a hill and they didn’t haven any helicopters. The siege went on for 3 years and then, when they could hold out no longer, there was a mass suicide of every single inhabitant. Ok, not the happiest of ending but its a very moving place.

In an unrelated incident, Martin Peters died yesterday. The World Cup winning footballer and one of Spurs finest players ever. The man always described as ‘10 years ahead of his time’, died as he lived, about 10 years ahead of time at the youthful age of Just 76. The man who spent his career ‘ghosting’ in, can now do it for real. And I loved Peters, who apparently also played for West Ham at some point early on in his career before he found God and Jesus in his life, was always spoken of as ‘ahead of his time’. And I’m offering a cash reward for anyone who can actually tell me WHAT THE FUCK THAT STUPID EXPRESSION EVEN MEANS?????? I love the fact that his genius was always appreciated but ‘ahead of his time’ simply makes no sense. It made no sense back then and it makes even less now where at least we have the hindsight of knowing what ‘10 years after his time’ looked like.

Happy Sunday from everyone’s Holy Land

A xxxx