Lockdown has been a time for reassessment. We’ve had time to reconsider the format of our lives and we’ve had the need to reconstruct large parts of them. The new world is different. And thus we must spend some time asking ourselves some ‘BIG QUESTIONS’.

I’m not necessarily talking about existential angst, philosophical construct realignment, socio-economics in a world recession or global politics in a post-Corona world. They’re not BIG enough. I’m talking the REALLY BIG questions. Like…

Was Jimi Hendrix a better guitarist than Eric Clapton? Like…

In the wake of #metoo and #timesup, is Woody Allen’s Sleeper still allowed to be the funniest film of all time? Like…

Once Frieda stopped wearing those skin-tight satin pants, was there any point whatsoever in the entire concept of ‘ABBA’? Like…

When, exactly, did gender identification issues become militant? Like…

Now that Coronavirus has liberated us from previously socially unacceptable levels of alcohol consumption, will we have to return to the former self-deprivation ‘once its gone’ from our lives? Like…

Is Lionel Messi better than Maradona and Pele (possibly the biggest question of them all)? Like…

If they suspend all the Conservative MPs currently embroiled in sexual allegation scandals, will the government still have a majority in the House? Like…

Now that Stephen King’s collective books have outsold The Bible, does that make him God? I kind’a hope so because then, instead of The Virgin Mary, we’d have Carrie as a new goddess. And ya don’t fuck with Carrie! Like…

If the second prize is ‘a 2-week holiday in Cornwall’, is the first prize 3-weeks, or 1??? Sharing ridiculously over-crowded beaches with (socially distanced) coach parties from Scarborough, Blackpool and Great Yarmouth. Queuing up for 3 hours for a Rick Stein fish’n’chip dinner. Buying an ice cream cone from a man who definitely has Covid symptoms. And then it starts raining.

Over the coming weeks and months I shall be considering these issues. So your homework is a 30,000 word essay on each topic which will be marked on content, grammar and style. And I don’t expect any swear words.

Happy Heat-wave

A xxxx