The debate is tonight. And I can see it degenerating into a shouting match. Because really, Boris and Jezza hate each other. As they should. I hate both of them. And its pretty easy to do.

Boris was a child of privilege. Eton, Oxford, learned his manners and feminism at the Bullingdon Club, went on to be a professional pompous person, hack and funny man. Which remains his only endearing trait. He’s dishonest, will shag anyone (and really its quite amazing that anyone would ever want to), and changes political stance like most of us change underwear.

Corbyn was born with a placard in his hands and is the only recorded neo-Nate to come into the world already wearing a duffel coat. He went to school but wasn’t very clever, and didn’t bother with college or university. Though if he had it would have been to the Polytechnic of Somewhere Really Unglamorous in some bleak northern town which never recovered from pit closures. Instead he joined the Labour Party. And the Socialist Party. And the CND. And started a life of protest against establishment and oppression. For some reason this allied him to anyone with a cause. The IRA, communist regimes in any country, radical Islamic jihadi movements, anyone. The only form of ‘oppression’ he didn’t oppose was that perpetrated in the name of communism.

And that’s it. They could have included Farage, but he’s a bad and horrible man, they could have invited Nicola Sturgeon but everyone hates her, and really they should have had Jo Swinson. In case they need some tea or cleaning up. I can’t see why else you’d want the esteemed leader of the LibDems present at a ‘presidential’ debate. She took someone to the high court over this omission (though who exactly do you sue? And on what grounds??) and was over-ruled. So she’s not allowed. She’s also very unpopular and according to polls, becomes more unpopular every time she speaks. Not just because she’s Scottish, but probably because she’s very annoying and won’t stop banging on about ‘remaining’ even though the nation voted the opposite.

Maybe when Sturgeon takes Scotland out of the Union, Swinson can take ‘Lib-dem-land’ out of the UK too. Re-align with the EU and create their own state. All 243 of them. They can have the far corner of Norfolk and we’ll chip it off to float into the North Sea.

So the stage is set! Boris versus Jezza. The big one! Massive. It’s Ali vs Frazier. It’s Spurs vs Arsenal. It’s Trump vs… anyone really. It’s THE BIG DEBATE! Tonight.

I’m going out for dinner. Can’t be arsed with it. Well, me bestest, oldest mate is over from France. And that happens less than general elections and new Prime Ministers round here.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx