I’ve been in consultation with the Premier League, the Football Association, FIFA, EUFA, Sepp Blatter, Michel Platini and all others in various prisons throughout greater Europe to ascertain that we, as in England, have now moved from a ‘big 6 club’ situation to just a ‘big two’. No longer can the words ‘big’ and ‘six’ be used in relation to football in the premiership without legal action forthcoming.

This has been a long time in coming. Well, ‘long time’ in Covid world, which is not really as long as in ‘real time’. And it basically happened at about 8.30 last night when Gareth Bale (hallowed be his name) hit the winner against Brighton, elevating Spurs to second place in the table. Or, as we call it, ‘just one below our rightful place’. (Well? If Liverpool can bemoan their ‘30 years of sorrow’ when they didn’t win the league, as if it was some kind of right, try fucking 60 years!!!! Scousers don’t have exclusive rights to whingeing about their sense of entitlement, even though it often seems as if they do.)

And so, in finding ourselves right at the top, in the ‘breakaway group’, it has been decided that the appalling Manchesters no longer warrant big club status. Arsenal don’t deserve anything for their paltry win at Old Trafford, other than contempt. And Chelsea are too horrible to be included in anything that doesn’t involve the criminal courts.

It may be true that we are in fact only one meagre point above about six other teams, half of which have a game in hand. But that really misses the whole ‘big 2’ issue by a million miles.

So as the new lockdown, which isn’t really a lockdown, but in practical terms it is (direct interpretation of the new rules and regs, which will be different by bedtime tonight) comes into play, Spurs are hanging off the shoulders of Liverpool, who really won’t be able to sustain a worthwhile campaign this season because Virgil van Dijk is missing. And thus, they might as well abandon the season, due to Coronavirus, and give us the crown now. I think it safe to say that, unlike Liverpool, we’d take it anyway, anyhow, anywhere, any time. ‘Tainted’ works for me. What time does the bus leave Haringey Town Hall?

Happy Monday (possibly your last one til Christmas… New year… June ‘21)

A xxxx