Gwyneth Paltrow is launching something else. Something new. Something other than the 72,000 things she already produces in the diet, nutrition, fashion and book publishing lines. She’s getting into ‘skincare’. Never one to not maximise her Oscar for Shakespeare in Love in about 1975, she keeps that rollercoaster rolling, consciously coupling with new ideas all the time. Can’t criticise her for her industry.

And an industry it is. This time, her skincare products, marketed under the name ‘GOOP’ (Gwyneth Orlando Oxelaide Paltrow?) will start, for a cleanser, at $90. She’s obviously after the low-end punters. Primark. Tesco. Walmart. And her products are made ‘entirely from natural ingredients’. Wow. That’s impressive. No refined diesel then. No radioactive isotopes. Just ‘natural’.

Well, dead babies are ‘natural’. As is cow-shit. Moss, slime, algae, the smallpox virus, cancer cells, snot, bile and snakes. So I think we need a bit more than ‘natural ingredients’ Gwynnie, to convince us to buy your vile potions and lotions.

The other blonde-of-the-moment is poor Maria Sharapova. As more ‘facts’ emerge. Not like the ones I spoke of yesterday, I made most of those up on the grounds that its easier than waiting for the real ones to emerge.

But whilst we’re waiting for such a time, Maria has lost her contracts with Nike, Tag-Heuer and various others, collectively worth about 200 million quid over 5 years. They’ve abandoned her in her hour of need. And that’s doubly cruel since she has some previously unheard of heart condition that required her to take ‘meds’ designed as a 6-week course, for 10 years continuously. Oh, and one ‘side effect’ of that drug is to give you the stamina of superman, the strength of 10 grunting bimbos and make you play tennis, as the manufacturers claim; ‘like a motherfucker on speed’. They may not have phrased it precisely that way.

One sponsor, rather than abandon the Russian Babe in her hour of need (she’s down to her last 197 million), are just putting things on hold. That’s Porsche. Which is owned by Volkswagen. Itself no stranger to failing tests.

Porsche should actually increase its sponsorship of La Sharapova as together they are the perfect fit. Sleek, fast, high-performance. And cheats.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx