BOris GOt Fucked. That’s not strictly what ‘bogof’ means, but just seems appropriate. In the circumstances. Which are that due to obesity considerations (we are a nation of total fat bastards) companies offering meal deals ‘two for one!!!’ were going to be stopped in the case of ‘junk food’. Or in the case of ‘food’, as its known in Britain. So why give little Jimmy a pizza for his supper tonight (he’s 8 years old and weighs 14 stone in his batman underwear), when you can give him TWO on Super-special-double-chin Tuesdays from Pizza-Excess!!!

Boris has now shelved this rather sound-minded plan because of the cost of living crisis. So those hit hardest who, coincidentally, are the fattest, can still overload on high-fat, sugar-obscene foods. Rather than cook something for less than a quarter the price. And can do so until the cost of living crisis is over. Which will be… hmmmm… yeah, right. Another MP has arranged for food bank users to have a cooking course so as to maximise their ingredients and minimise the death risk at the same time. Because he’s a conservative MP, Labourites have been crying out that this is somehow patronising or worthless, ‘hungry people need food, not cooking lessons!’, they shout. But surely it makes sense. Labour are right, not every person in the north can enjoy take-away curries and bottles of beer, like Kier Starmer.

So Boris has turned his (very limited) attention (span) to ‘working from home’. And true to his policy of ‘leading from the mouth with the brain no more than 10 minutes behind’, which proved so successful when dealing with the Iranians about Naznin Zakhari-Radcliffe (doubling her prison sentence with just one misplaced sentence of his own; TOSSER!), he has accused every home worker of being a total workshy slacker, skiving their days away drinking tea in their pyjamas whilst watching Netflix and keeping ‘logged in’ for nap-times, morning, afternoon and the rest of the afternoon. It’s almost like he’s been spending time with Rachie.

Yet this is a grossly unfair assessment of most of those working from home. It’s just the lucky ones and civil servants who act in that manner. Most others work hard and devotedly. So they inform me. When they phone, bored, after waking up. And much as I truly appreciate the need to get people back to the office, probably more than most, it just ain’t for Boris to call. Especially when he works from home most of the time. It’s between the bosses and the staff and how everyone can be pleased.

Ok, FA Cup Final is on, I wish I could enthuse, but I’m going to Spurs tomorrow and that’s much more exciting.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx