Someone decided to rank the 10 best dressed women tennis players. Oh my. What were they thinking? You might as well rape them as rank them on appearance. Sexism, chauvinism, anti-feminist disgustingism. Who did that? ‘Loaded’ magazine? ‘Neanderthal weekly’? Penthouse? No, it was actually the Women’s official Lawn Tennis association wot done it.

What at terrible error of judgment. What a complete misunderstanding of the zeitgeist. In which women are demanding equal pay, striving for equality and then the LTA decide to see which gels look the prettiest in their whites. Why not just have a ‘pert nipples’ competition? Best thighs? I’d probably be more interested in that myself, but not the new, reconstructed, me. Just the old knuckle-dragging pre-modernist me. Who looks similar, but inside?

I think the women look gorgeous in their whites. There, I’ve said it proudly. Maybe that’s why I don’t have time for the US Open or the Aussie, where they turn up in black shorts and red t-shirts and look like the people who got turned away from Glastonbury on sartorial grounds. Because Wimbledon insists upon whites. The anti-Henry Ford. Any colour, so long as its white. And all the better for it.

Venus collapsed today, even though Muguruza looked much better in her whites. Or perhaps because she did. Venus had two points to break serve and take the first set and blew them both. Then, after a women’s final that had been pretty damned close for the first 10 games, just went to pieces. Venus. A ‘Williams’. And just folded up. Lost the first set in the next game and then lost the second 6-0.

And ‘apropos of nothing’ as they say, I’d just like to offer a bit WTF???? about ‘acid attacks’. Oh they’re all the rage now. Or all in rage now. Whatever, get some really serious acid (available everywhere to unblock your sink; I bought some myself on Tuesday) and throw it in someone’s face. Where the fuck did such a grotesque obscenity come from? Who would want to do that to someone? A sick fuck, that’s who. But its ok. The total psychos out there hurling concentrated sulphuric around like confetti so the police are now onto them. The headline today read: “knife-crime laws to halt acid attacks”. So we’re safe. They’re going to apply the same laws to acid as they do to knives. And as we all know, stabbings have reduced from 24,576 last year to 98,322 this year. So that’s good. Hmmm…

Happy Saturday

A xxxx