I’d like to formally announce a new silly name, officially, and on behalf of the government, the Prime Minister and the ENTIRE FUCKING NATION!!!!

Brentrance.

The process of BRitain re-ENTERing the European Union on a non-membership, only slightly aligned, not making any farce of Brexit, through the back door, hoping Nigel Farage doesn’t notice, basis.

This process will involve only good things in the form of trade, security and the passage of people. As long as they are ‘young people’. The old can fuck off and stay in Colchester. They won’t be allowed in Madrid or Rome. But it’ll be wonderful for the nation as we will be protected by the European army which has just announced 100-odd billion Euros invested in new tanks and nukes and shit, and we’ll hang on their shirt-tails as it kind of appears our normal shirt-tails, with the stars and stripes on, are no longer reliably hangable. And our young people will be able to go an study in Paris and Prague and drink vast amounts of beer in Munich, like their parents did, in the ‘good old days’. And no more having to queue at passport control with all those bloody Chinese and Africans and, worst of all, Australians, in the “non EU and Third World” line.

So no-one can complain about any of that, surely?

Ah, well, there’s obviously some kind of… quid pro quo, shall we say? No take without a little give. So we’ll let them send their smelly cheeses from France and sausages from Germany without any question. And obviously we’ll let them… errrr… well, do a bit of fishing in our waters. NOTLIKETHEYUSEDTO!!!!, that was excessive, but just… well, enough to… errrr… ok, all they want. I’m sure that once they’ve seen the massive advantages, our fisherman will be completely on board with this. Errrr, no pun intended. And any adherence to rules and regulations from the European Court will be, sort of, different from the complete compliance we were subject to before. In some ways. But not in others. Hmm.

So that’s it: ‘Brentrance’. All the benefits of Europe with none of the things we hated. And definitely NOT a mere reversal of Brexit. Not at all. Something vastly different. Brought to you by this government. Because we deliver. But only if Strasburg agrees, from now on.

Happy Monday

A xxxx