At the end of a truly fabulous and wonderful league campaign, Spurs have achieved not just glory but quite literally history! Because by cleverly avoiding the top 4 league places, deftly ducking fifth and side-stepping 6th, we get, as 7th placed, to enter the most coveted, very first, the inaugural, the brand new Europa Conference League!!! And no-one’s ever been in that before. Because its new. In case you missed that. So that is really exciting. In fact it is beyond excitement.

My main concern is when they intend to play the matches. The Champions League (snobby, bit elitist, arrogant) plays on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. The Europa League (a bit sad and decidedly second rate) plays on Thursdays. Because no-one watches football on Thursday evenings. So the new Europa Conference League (unknown… but… but…) will have to be played on Monday mornings or in the middle of the night. Otherwise there’ll be ‘conflict’. Because really, who’d bother watching Bayern Munich play Barcelona if Lech Poznań were playing Molde over on BBC7? Or Spurs were taking on Ludagrets Lazgrad? So set your alarm NOW for 03.27 for the first kick-off!

It all ended in tears. Harry Kane did or didn’t play his last EVER game for Spurs, depending on… but still managed to achieve a massive ‘first’. Because not only was he the top scorer in the league, he also had the most ‘assists’. Neither of which did any favours to his asking price for interested teams. Which is probably ‘all of them’.  

Yet Spurs win at Leicester not only deprived the east Midlander above-weight-punchers of a champions’ league place, but also, tragically, inhumanely, gave it to Chelsea! 

Man City won the league. And much as I hate that, I have a deep and profound man-love for Sergio Aguero, now departing. He has blessed our league for 10 years with style, grace and shit loads of goals. Half of them against us, little bastard. 

West Ham are ‘frilled ter bits’ about reaching the Europa League (second tier, fairly shit, see above) because its so much better for them to just be celebrating relegation avoidance, as they do every other year. 

And Arsenal… errrrr… well… hmmm… 

Happy End of Season F’rever!

A xxxx