Oh dear. The Top Gear team took a wonderful, pimped up, drag-racery Mustang out in Westminster to burn rubber and make a bit of a noise and nuisance. Because its Top Gear, albeit Top Gear Nouveau, and that’s what Top Gear does, riiiiiight!!!! Its LOUD, its lairy, its irreverent, mean, nasty and don’t give a shiiiiiiiiit. RIIIIIGHGHGHTTTT????

But they did all this loud and lairy irreverence in front of the Cenotaph. The empty tomb of lost soldiers. And Commander Frobisher-Wright (5th batallion, 3rd army needlework corps) and Brigadier Ponsonby-Smythe (9th Naval Drag-Queens) both complained in their most proper and clipped English about how irresponsible and disrespectful this awful act of almost vandalism, certainly hooliganism, was, in front of such a sombre monument to dead heroes.

So Chris Evans, the new, ginger, Mr Top Gear elect (well, it hasn’t been on yet, has it? and I’m still not convinced it won’t self-destruct anyway), apologised unreservedly for the stunt and promised it wouldn’t be shown, blah, blah, grovel and whimper, suck-up, pander and crawl.

Jeremy Clarkson wouldn’t have apologised, like a sissy, wussy little girl. No. Clarkson would have told them all (the living ones, at least) to just fuck off, grow a pair and leave it to him to judge what’s in good taste or not. Whilst drowning a refugee with his foot and polluting the atmosphere any way he could.

Firstly, who is to say that all those dead soldiers wouldn’t appreciate a bit of fun and frolics? Rather than spending their days watching George Osborne walk past with his little red briefcase. (Though I stress; its empty; that’s the point of a Cenotaph; symbolic, innit?) Secondly, its an aesthetic. The rough, ragged Mustang juxtaposed against the gorgeous City of Westminster architecture, including the Cenotaph.

I’m a sensitive soul. I cried when Miley Cirus sang Jolene. I know, a lot of people cry when Miley sings anything but in that instance it was pure emotion. Feelings. Man-tears. Yet I cannot for the life of me find anything even vaguely offensive about a few wheelies in front of a symbolic obelisk.

And Chris Evans should have taken the opportunity to man up and make a statement that this new Top Gear is THE REAL DEAL. And you don’t do that by being a wimp. “Cenotaph???” he should have shouted, “BOLLOCKS!!!!” “WE’RE TOP GEAR; WE’LL SPIN WHERE WE WANT!!!”

Should be a great game at the Nou Camp tonight as Arsenal try to get something out of the season. Their last chance to do so, in fact. So they have, quite literally, nothing to lose. Whilst also, confusingly, standing to lose everything. Basically they have to go there and let rip. Lots of teams have won by 2 goals in Barcelona. Well, 3 teams in 289 matches actually. So it can be done. Come on Arsenal, be real men. Not like Chris farkin’ Evans.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx