Dateline Saturday, 13th Feb 2021

So we’re eagerly awaiting the ‘match of the season’ at 5.30 tonight. Spurs at Manchester City. Perfect time. Just after my afternoon tai chi session (online, obvs., that’s why my iPad keeps getting new screens after I punch the old ones out) but early enough in case we… errrr… need to… want to… well, its early enough. Liverpool had already lost at Leicester after the latest in goalkeeper, Allison’s, ongoing competition to see how many goals he can gift away in just one week!!! Prizes for everyone.

But we don’t care about Liverpool. Even Jurgen Klopp doesn’t care about Liverpool. He’s given up the title chase (as if) and therefore can probably count the days before he’s sacked.

We care about Spurs. Don’t WE???

And how hard can it be to go to the Etihad and simply thrash those upstart Manc mercenaries? As we showed at Spurs, earlier in the season, beating them 2-nil really comfortably, really easily, really… whatever. Not like much has changed between then and now, has it?

Well, only 2 things really. The first is that City have won all 15 of their subsequent matches. (As we have to say:) in all competitions. We had got the last of their shitty spell, which saw them in the bottom half of the table. And now they are unplayably brilliant.

And the second thing that’s happened is that my team has gone to shit. Whether Morinho’s plan is failing or just player apathy/uncoordination/covid I don’t know. What I do know is that I only watch matches between the fingers of both hands held in front of my eyes. Our attacking lacks the potency of the early part of the season. Our ‘wall’ of defence has turned to wet paper. Even Lloris has gone back to ‘liability’ again. As he does every now and again. Not up to Allison’s standards but few are.

Yet the thing about football which we all (apparently) love is its sheer unpredictability. The fact that records concerning a string of wins will be broken sometimes. As there’s as much chance of Burnley breaking it as Chelsea. So I remained optimistic. Because ‘anything can happen’. Right? We’ve got Harry Kane, FFS, he can do magic.

Timeline Sunday 14th Feb 2021

Happy fucking Valentines fucking Day

A xxxx