There was a tragedy on Thursday. Not the one in Leicester when the Spurs match was cancelled for covid. The one in Shropshire (no idea either, I’m guessing ‘up north somewhere’). In which the Conservatives were… ‘mullered’ barely covers it, ‘hammered‘ lacks the potency of the reality, ‘thrashed’, ‘defeated’ and ‘decimated’ all pitifully inadequate. I think, possibly, ‘castrated’ has the impact required to evoke the true nature of the defeat. Because the Tories had held that seat for over 200 years. They had a majority of 34,000. Or, as that number is now known, ‘a third of an omicron’ (yesterday’s infection rate rising to over 90k). And yet they managed to lose the seat by a 6,000 majority. Boris Johnson said ‘he accepted responsibility for the loss’. No shit, Boris.

And now the Conservatives have issued threats. Boris has 3 months to get his act together or face a leadership challenge. 90 days to become a better person. An honest, trustworthy, reliable leader of the nation. Rather than the hapless fuck-wit he is currently perceived to be. How hard can that be?

Well, on the face of it, shouldn’t be a problem. Just stop fucking things up. But unfortunately, Boris has such a vast history of fuckage, it really is almost inconsequential if he does indeed ‘knuckle down and run the country’. Because most of his ‘crimes’ are historical anyway. The Paterson sleaze row was current. And stupid. And in fact resulted in the bye-election. But the parties? They were a year ago. The flat renovation? 18 months. And who knows how many ridiculously extravagant gestures were made to Boris, un-noted, for various other ridiculously extravagant personal expenditures? How many more little illegitimate blond babies will be born in and around the capital? How many more covid cock-ups will surface? How many misjudgments of public opinion can Boris avoid before the end of March?

It’s a big ask to expect Boris to suddenly stop being a liability. It’s even bigger to expect there’s no more skeletons waiting to fall out of his closet.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx