I had a nightmare. A terrible nightmare.

That we had a new prime minister in the country, which is always a bit of a nightmare anyway, but this one was the antichrist dressed up as a 1970s lecturer from Hangar Lane Polytechnic, a reactionary left-winger who’d stolen the leadership of the Labour Party from worthless opposition and convinced the country that The Left is the Way to Go. Like that; in capital letters. Just like they did in Greece. And that’s gone pretty well, hasn’t it? And the first thing the Prime Minister did on his election was come round and take my car away. “NOOOOOOOOO” I shouted, slowly and with great dream-effort, “TAKE THE WIFE, THE KIDS, THE HOUSE, BUT LEAVE THE CAAAAAAAARRRRRRR”.

“No gas-guzzlers on my watch” said the PM. “No flashy cars are allowed now and give me your credit cards and cheque-book while I’m here so we can redistribute your wealth. Where its needed. On working people”.

“You mean ‘unemployed people’, surely” said I, “the working people have their own money”.

“Heee, heee” he snarled, “not for much longer they won’t. And anyway, there are downtrodden souls all over the planet who need your money. I need to rebuild Tripoli, sort out Calais, re-structure Zimbabwe and have tea with the IRA”.

“But the IRA no longer exist” I pleaded.

“Well, that’ll be more cake for me then” came the reply. “And to be honest, I’m not fussy about which terrorists I have tea with, they all have a cause and I’m all about causes…”

I woke up in a sweat and ran to check the car. Then made sure Mel was ok.

And reading the paper, its all about Jeremy Corbyn. Who strongly opposes US foreign policy. Because: ‘if you believe in peace, you believe in human rights and justice and you want a policy that sets those at its heart, rather than military domination’. His words. And in the next sentence, how he wants much stronger relations with Russia. Yet finds nothing contradictory in that. As I’ve said before, Corbyn’s a tosser. Nothing more, nothing less.

I’m hoping tonight I can dream about his assassination. Maybe Ed Miliband will do it; he’s good at sorting out Labour leadership favourites.

Happy Tuesday, may your dreams be sweet.

A xxxx