Last year January was renamed ‘Veganuary’ as the march of the holiest-of-all-thous sought to spread the word, the seed (they actually allow eating of seeds; if not much else) of the Post Millennial Holy Inquisition that is veganism. Not just a menu option but an entire lifestyle, philosophy and all-embracing concept which needs to be rammed down the throat of ‘unbelievers’ at any opportunity.

This year they’re going to rename January as ‘Vaginauary’ after the part of the anatomy most closely aligned to vegans. Though I must stress, I have no issue with whatever anybody wants to eat, what they choose to wear, what they do. None whatsoever. It’s when it gets a little militant, a little jihadi, holy crusade-like that I start to shiver. And when it becomes an all out assault on the morality of non-vegans, my hackles are well and truly raised.

Because we know about animals and that possibly there are cruelty issues in the meat, egg, milk industries, nothing new there. And here’s the killer irony once veganism goes to the next level. That level of vegan shoes. The whole non-leather shtick. Because who wants wet feet? Ok, so they can make synthetic fibres waterproof, that’s fine. But did anyone realise that ‘synthetic’ is another way of writing ‘plastic’. Man made. Petro-chemical based. And synthetic fibres do not break down. Ever. Instead they stay as horrible little fibres which will, as does everything not biodegradable, enter the animal food chain.

Thus the animals that are the very starting point of the whole vegan thing, end up getting choked by the obsessive extrapolation of that well intentioned start. And the damage to the world’s eco-system by growing non-animal proteins is not great either. It’s not about the volume of wheat compared to the volume of grass needed for dairy cows. It’s about how much land/emissions are required to get an equivalent level of protein or good carbs. And again, those bloody vegans are ruining the planet totally for us animal-product exploiters.

Then there’s the obsession with vegan products which ‘are so much like meat… you might as well… eat meat’ but they’re vegan. And to enhance the taste and texture they load them with sugars.

So become a vegan. End up a great, fat, sugar-laden plonker with a totally fucked up and unsustainable planet.

Yet the most interesting part of the report I read (obvs. Where do ya think all this came from??) was that becoming vegan is the easiest way to hide an eating disorder. And that’s scary and horrible.

I’m home now. Arrived here about half an hour ago after an epic but not too horrible journey. 27 hours door-to-door. It’s 7 in the morning, I feel ready to go to bed despite having slept on and off for the last 15 hours.

Happy… zzzzzz… Tuesday

A xxxx