The Lord Trump has issued a decree!! That henceforth and forthwith and foreverafter, (until his next brainless whim), there shalst be a tariff on ALLL imported cars in the WHOLE of the United States of America, of 25%!!! And so it is written. Amen.

This will cause major fuckage in the UK. Because 20% of all our car exports are currently to the USA and the prices of those cars to Americans have just gone up. But really up. Your $30,000 car will now cost you £37,500. That’s a hike. And the Toyotas and Hondas which make up a massive part of US car sales will suddenly become unaffordable. But this isn’t about Japan. It’s about ME!

Americans will just have to buy American cars which, obviously, will remain un-tariffed. That’s the whole point. But what will they buy?

The American car market basically follows perfectly the American social demographic. Thus the vast majority of Americans (those ‘in the middle’) buy trucks. Because gun-toting, cowboy-hat-wearing, Bud-drinking, yee-haaaing good old boys wouldn’t drive a Nissan Micra. So the biggest selling cars in America are the massive, 4-door, flat-bed trucks made by Ford and Chevy. Followed by SUVs. Unsurprisingly, big ones. The ones you see a dozen of following Trump around when he goes to McDonalds. Great bit, ugly monsters. Like Audi Q7s on steroids. Cadillac make them. Lincoln make loads of different ones. Which manage to all look the same.

The people round the edges of the country, California, New York, Washington, you know, the ‘civilised bits’, live in proper cities where you occasionally need to find a parking space. So they drive Hondas and Toyotas. And Mercedes and BMWs if they want to. Proper cars. Normal cars.

America has never really been good at designing ‘normal’ cars. Every car I’ve ever rented there has been a piece of ugly shit. Poorly made, horrible interior, tragically underpowered. Ok, they make Mustangs and Corvettes and all sorts of wonderful ‘fun’ cars, but we’re talking ‘normal’ cars for normal people. And you get the Chevrolet Malibu, today’s picture. In fact the picture that paints a thousand words. 900 of which are ‘ugly’. You can buy a Tesla!! But we know how most Americans view electric vehicles, and how they view Elon Musk.

I can only imagine how happy you’d be if you own an Audi franchise in Houston.

I can forgive Trump for teaming up with Putin, but condemning his nation to drive revolting cars is a step too far.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx