A group of men wearing white robes and hoods, trawling the streets after dark holding flaming torches. If this was in Tennessee this would be completely normal behaviour; the only questions would be ‘where your cross??’ and ‘who we gonna hang tonight?’
But its not in the Deep South, well not of America. This is in Spain and is the Catholic Brotherhood’s way of celebrating (celebating, perhaps?) the Holy Week prior to Easter. So, if Jesus does choose to make his Second Coming, he’ll find himself face to face with a bunch of KKK impersonators. This practice dates back to the 14th century (or thereabouts; long time ago anyway), but I reckon they only adopted this choice of fashionware after seeing Mississippi Burning. I could be wrong.

Meanwhile, in other parts of Europe, Nigel Farage, head of UKIP, the thinking man’s nazi party, sorry, the Drinking Man’s nazi party, and make mine a pint please, is accused of being a bit naughty. A touch ‘creative’ with his accounting. The irony of being the most anti-European in the European Union has proved too much for Nigel and he’s managed to claim his maximum £15,500 a year from Brussels in ‘expenses’ but can only account for about £3000 within the rightful use of it. When anyone questions him about the money he just shouts at them. In German. Ok, maybe in English. But it does seem a touch hypocritical for Nigel to gain from an organisation he desperately wants to pull Britain out of. Its a bit ‘feeding from the hand you really want to bite’.
There are also new allegations about another mistress for Mnsr Farage, a foreigner, no less. Presumably for Nigel this is a more acceptable type of European Union.

Always nice when Britain comes top in something. We don’t win the football, we struggle with being the richest nation, the cleanest, we’re condemned for our foul air quality, we don’t do well in education, struggle with health, but now we’ve topped a chart. We are the most sexist nation on the planet. According to some daft bitch from South Africa, a professor, no less, who has been here and studied us for 3 weeks. Wow, that’s comprehensive then. Apparently we have a ‘boys club’ mentality. Well she’s not joining mine. Has this woman never heard of Saudi Arabia? I despair. But still, always nice to top the charts.

And to Kim Jong Un. The funniest man alive (who has control of atomic weaponry, which dims the humour a little).
A barber in London put a picture of the tubby little North Korean leader in his window with a message saying ‘bad hair day?? get 15% off your haircut in April…’) And the North Koreans went round there and demanded he remove the item as ‘disrespectful to their leader’, issued veiled threats and reported the barber to the police. Who don’t give a shit because its not a crime to make jokes of leaders here, in fact it what we probably do best, other than sexism.

But how dare these North Koreans hassle hard-working Londoners? How dare they make threats here just because they come from a land where humour, along with decent haircuts, is banned? In fact, why do we even allow them to have an Embassy here? They’re horrible, nasty, evil, war-mongering people and should all be sent home, rather than try to ban one of the essential freedoms that this nation enjoys: freedom to take the piss out of dickheads. Its written in our contstitution (if we had one) along with the sexism and jaywalking. Its what makes our nation proud.

Happy Wednesday,

A xxxx