So some geezer had an issue with online attack from vegans. Nothing unusual in that, there’s nothing as aggressive as an unprovoked, over-sensitive grass-eater. But this was in Perth, Australia. Land of the blunt and direct. And the man was restaurateur John Mountain and he responded in a fabulous way by stating ‘the vegan option in this restaurant: eat somewhere else’.

A young vegan woman claimed this to be ‘discriminatory’. I claim her to be a ‘fuckwit’. Even though she was rather lovely and surprisingly healthy looking for someone willingly deprived of meaningful proteins, calcium deficient and with a body lacking in so many basic vitamins.

And I thought: what kind of misplaced sense of entitlement gives you the right to expect every shop in the world to cater to your rather specific and generally unwanted needs? Its like me going into McDonalds and demanding strictly kosher food. (There is no less-likely scenario, I get that, but in a way that’s the point). I’m basically in the wrong restaurant. Its like going to Starbucks and ordering a new BMW in blue with black alloy wheels. In vegan world, I’d wait 3 minutes and it would just appear, lovely car with ‘Adny’ scribbled on the side in felt pen. With standard name mis-spelling, obvs.

So even though I have nothing but sympathy for the vegan sisterhood (ok, some contempt, but I think I’ve hidden that rather well) they seem to be the edible equivalent of the ‘trans’ generation where the ‘odd’ 99.76% of the population have to change attitudes, views, words, descriptions and behaviour so as not to offend a tiny minority bunch of beansprout-sausage-eating waifs.

Tragedy of the Submarine. There is not enough money in the world to get me on such a thing. My absolute nightmare. Even before it imploded ‘catastrophically’. Though find me a non-catastrophic implosion at three and a half kilometres under the sea and I’ll find you a tolerant vegan. But how could they let an unchecked, unregulated vessel with many safety questions unanswered, take passengers to their death? Its up-market people-smuggling.

Happy Friday

A xxxx