After the feast comes the famine. And I’m not referring to my first few days of not having Cornish Cream Teas. Issa metaphor, innit. And it refers to the first day when suddenly, there’s no sport to watch. Yesterday. Black Monday. Tennis is finished, footballers resting. All that happened was about 200 men in lycra whizzed by, about 500 yards from where I work, on pushbikes. I didn’t actually make it down on to the Embankment to see them; I see cyclists every day whizzing round the streets of London ignoring the traffic lights. Normally everyone, motorists, pedestrians, jaywalkers, just ignores them as a pest on society, but stick a yellow jacket on one and suddenly it becomes: Le Tour de France. In the City of London, and 2 million northerners with nothing better to do, come and line our streets to watch this collective whizzing.

So in the absence of proper (ie not sitting down) sport, the peoples of Europe have to find other distractions. So they’re running the bulls in Pamplona this week. Always lots of fun, that one. Running down narrow streets with a herd of wild 3 ton bovines, hoping that the person who gets gored, or trampled, is someone else. Not very altruistic, those Spaniards. Ever since they left the World Cup…

But I love these ancient celebrations. I love their diversity and creativity and in fact their total stupidity. Yes, your great-great-grandfather’s great-great-grandfather did this but that doesn’t mean that on the 7th of June you have to put your head on the tracks in front of oncoming train. Nor that on the 15th of August you put on stockings and suspenders and a red hat and leap off a cliff for ‘leming day’. July 23rd is when you dress as a druid and eat grapefruit. Whilst in Norfolk, the whole of April is ‘shag-yer-cousin’ month. As is May, June, July…

In Belarus yesterday was the pagan festival of Ivan Kapala (just don’t even bother asking) in which young ladies in long white dresses jump over fires. Great idea. Why not douse the dresses in petrol to make it even more stupid. But heh; if it makes a Belarusian happy for the day, then the world is a happier place to live in. Even without football.

The enquiry into child abuse in instittutions in our fine (???) and apparently perverted land is as necessary as it is late. What is more incredible is the apparent scale of this problem. I can’t believe (hope?) that more than say 5% of people are potential paedophiles, and yet some institutions would appear to increase this to about 90%. Obviously such horrible and vile people would find themselves to be drawn towards children, leaving schools, orphanages, hospitals obvious career choices, along with the priesthood. But the BBC? And fucking Parliament?? Whereas those in Westminster who aren’t kiddy-fiddlers would seem to be just normal rapists. Who are almost the ‘good guys’ of government. What the f***???

Does anyone in the world want Germany to beat Brazil tonight? Including Germans?

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx