The much lauded ‘magic of the FA Cup’ is a euphemism for total mis-matches. We love them. Because it elevates (or perhaps ‘lowers’) the concept of ‘underdog’ to levels not normally encountered. When Chelsea play Watford, (or in fact when they play Liverpool, as they do tonight), the team not Chelsea is the underdog. Because the West London horribles are much much better. In theory. On the night, anything can happen. That’s why they’re ‘underdogs’ and not just ‘fucking losers’. Because there’s always a chance that they may not lose. That the team 16 or 17 places below the leaders in the league might just pull off some miracle.

The FA Cup produces much bigger mismatches. Because every team plays. Not just from the top 4 leagues but from all the lesser, lower, never-‘eard-of leagues below them. Thus on Sunday did Sutton United, currently lying 14th in the ‘Vanorama’ Premier (ish) Division of the National League, beat Leeds, currently fighting for a playoff place in the Championship. 84 places higher.

Sutton’s reward is a first ever match in the 5th round of the Cup. And to the victor comes the spoils, in this case Arsenal. Who spoil a lot of things. And will probably rain on Sutton’s parade in a fairly large and emphatic manner. But in the meantime we can dream.

And if you reckon this match, for Arsenal, is just a ‘pass through to the next round’ card, then you’re probably right. But we can all dream. And Arsenal will not like this match at all. Firstly they have to take their precious superstars, famed for their fragility, onto a lumpy, cluggy, mashed up pitch in the wilds of Surry. There’ll be no hair conditioner in the showers there, for sure. And the showers probably only run cold anyway. Sutton will play a different kind of game from Arsenal. A little more ‘industrial’, a bit more ‘tasty’. I certainly hope so, at least. And then there’s the pressure of expectation. If Arsenal do anything other than win very convincingly then they’ll be shamed by the media. And certainly by me. Mercilessly.

Sutton don’t care. Have nothing to worry about. They can do no wrong, whatever happens. And they’ll get lots of money for their day in the sunshine. I couldn’t find any recent figures but in 2003, Sutton United’s turnover was about £250,000. For the year. Many of Arsenal’s superstars earn more than that every 2 weeks. So a big payday looms for Sutton for packing their little stadium and for the tv rights. Which makes the match massive for a club, like all others in the nether regions of our national game, life-saving. Giving them a monetary respite which is essential to their survival.

In 1971 Arsenal played Yeovil Town in the Cup. Same kind of deal. Big team vs minnow. Such was my fervour that I joined the ‘Green & White Supporters Club’ of Yeovil. Just to get the little badge for my school blazer and annoy my mate Martin, the rabid Gooner of 5F.

But if it all goes funny, if things just go haywire and the world tilts on its axis for just 90 minutes on that match-day, then possibly…

Happy Dreams

A xxxx