I’m greatly concerned. About Christmas. And how it will impact on ‘the spread of the virus’, whilst we’re waiting for the vaccines to finalise. Whatever Boris says or doesn’t say, about the festive festivities, folks will do what they choose. Which, in the most part, will be Christmas Normal. But that’s not my worry.

I’m worried about one person. Who has the potential to be the biggest ‘superspreader’ ever. A person who goes from house to house, touching things, leaving things behind, coming into contact with countless surfaces and saying ‘ho, ho, ho’, which produces aerosols, as we all know. Particularly when boomed out loudly. And he’s inherently ‘at risk’ anyway, being overweight verging on morbidly obese.

We must ban Santa Claus.

There’s no alternative. He’s a danger. To himself, to every man woman and child in the country and, most importantly, to me.

The scientists at SAGE have considered countless possibilities; leaving hand sanitizer up on the roof, disinfecting your entire chimney with alcohol wipes and bleach spray, (probably need to send a small child up there for that), having a cleansing station in every hearth in the land, providing bright red masks and gloves in every home. But still the risk is too great. 

Do not let Santa into your home! Your family is at risk!!  Shoot  to  kill!!! (Apparently reindeer do not transmit the virus- Venison et al, 2020). 
Oddly, Boris has made it his mission to ‘give us Christmas’!!! As if nothing else matters in the year of the average English voter. And ironically, virtually everyone they interviewed on the news seemed to disagree. That ‘allowing’ us to ‘enjoy’ Christmas is actually a bad step which will lead to increase in spread, death, pain, closures, blah-blah-blah. Many of us think that any amount of present or future suffering, both physically and economically, is worth it as long as Spurs stay top of the league. I’m inclined to agree with this way of thinking. 

But ‘allowed’? We’re ‘allowed’ to have Auntie Deirdre over for Christmas day?? To be honest. We don’t need fucking permission from anybody. They can make recommendations but ‘allow’?? Without wishing to sound all Peter Hitchens or Giles Corbyn about it; how quickly we’ve embraced the language of total repression and obedience into our lives. 

Be safe, be sensible, but DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT. All together now: 

We’ll do what we want
We’ll do what we waa-aant
We’re free and democratic sentient beings with the capacity for logical thought and NOT FUCKING SHEEEEEEP!
We’ll do what we want. 

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx