The main political parties, and also the Lib Dems, Greens and Farages, have now laid down their projections and intentions should they win the election. Why the ‘other’ parties do so is beyond me, but they’re on election autopilot and know no better. It’s manifesto season so you ‘show your plumage’. Tossers. The Faragers, being the illegitimate love-child of Sir Nigel and some other clever xenophobe who wishes not to be named, have instead issued their ‘contract’. It’s like a manifesto but for parties that won’t win many… any… seats. And it’s a good idea. Less presumptuous than issuing ‘your plans when elected’, when you obviously won’t be. Reform’s ‘contract’ is what they want to do in 5 years time. Subtle but very clever. Very Farage. He has an unerring understanding of how not to piss everyone off, even and especially, those who actually disagree with 90% of what he says.

If only the ‘big two’ had any such clue. They do nothing but piss me off. Because now the manifestos are launched, we enter the analysis phase of telling everyone how THEIR manifesto won’t work. Doesn’t add up. Sums are wrong.

Ahhh, cries shadow chancellor Rachel, the Tories are cutting tax by 0.6% of 22 billion of the first 75% of national GDP and in fact that raises the overall tax burden by 9.34% over and above the 22.7% increase in bank rate reconstruction considerations. That will cost everyone in the country precisely: £4,800!!!!

Fuck, I’m voting Labour then!!!

Ah, but the chancellor has analysed Labour’s plans and within 0.3% of national debt interest limits, the planned NHS expenditure exceeds budgetary means by 26% over the drop in National Insurance contributions by the self-employed. Which will cost everyone in Britain, precisely, £4,800!!!!

Even Farage has made fiscal promises of a rather dodgy nature. But he’s allowed more latitude in such respects because of his inherent ‘dodgy geezer’ status. He’s just a skinhead with hair. He’s going to find 50 billion quid to go towards the NHS (everyone has to say that, its as mandatory as it is worthless and stupid) and to help fish out foreigners in the population and deport them. 12 billion of this money will come from ‘making a 5% cut in the Civil Service workforce’. The total annual cost of which is 9 bil. Making 5% about 450 million. A bit short there, Nigel, but there ya go.

At least Nige has made it a much more interesting election campaign than it would have been. But unless I can remember where I put those photos of Starmer in bed with three children and two sheep, I think it’s a foregone conclusion. In fact, any photo of Starmer doing anything remotely ‘interesting’ would be good.

Happy Hustings

A xxxx