As my age has increased, so has the usage of personal screens and phones. 40 years ago, the time (average) spent looking at phones (to 2 decimal places) was… 0. You spoke into phones, looked at the dialling thing, didn’t look at the phones cos if you did you wouldn’t hear what the ‘other end’ was saying. And now, the average (mean and median) is, generally… all the fucking time. Therefore my age (in years… or days/weeks/whatevers) positively correlates with phone use. Very strongly. I’d say greater than 0.9.

So its my fault. All these tossers staring at screens all day is my fault. I did it. I caused it.

Did I fuck!

Because, statistics lesson 1: correlation is NOT causation. Lots of things correlate, particularly with time. Length of Lila’s hair with petrol prices. They correlate positively too.

So today I learn that ‘studying damages eyesight’. I always thought it was excessive masturbation that did that, but not according to a study at the University of Cardiff. They found that ‘those who were genetically predisposed to spend more time in education’ were more likely to become myopic.

Which to me is in fact a prime example, within a probability of less than 5%, of being total and utter bollocks.

How can anyone be ‘genetically predetermined to be educated’? Spending more time in education depends on, first and foremost, socio-economic situation. Then on parental influence, then on intelligence, possibly. And socio-economics is not genetically marked. It is definitely hereditary but there’s no ‘gene’ for it.

And even if there was, a point I’d like to stress, in case I haven’t previously: CORRELATION IS NOT FUCKING CAUSATION!!!!! So even if there was a gene for ‘length of education’, which is as likely having a gene for favourite tv programme, and it did correlate with short-sightedness, that still would not mean that it was causative.

Its also worth noting that even if ‘education’ and study was the cause of this allegedly increasing myopia (not something that concerns me with any thought other than increasing stock levels at work), you also have to look at what kids do when they’re not studying. They staring at phones and games consoles and computer screens. Its not like they’re out on their bikes, like we were, in the fresh air, playing football, shoplifting, good healthy stuff. They’re surfing porn on mobile phones. That should positively make them blind.

I despair.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx