When someone posts something contentious on instagram in the UK, they generally get a 5 year prison sentence. And because there’s as much room in our prisons as there was yesterday in Tottenham High Road, to accommodate these ‘evil posters’, we have to free up the space by kicking a few rapists back out into the community. Maybe some child monsters, armed robbers.

If I was going to commit a serious crime, I’d do it in France. The French judicial system simply loves dangerous criminals. Hence the old-age dudes who broke into Kim Kardashian’s hotel suite, tied her up, held her at gunpoint and nicked an obscene amount of jewellery, which has never been recovered, they received sentences of just 2 or 3 years. Which meant, because of their time already served while waiting, that they all walked free. Or rather, due to their age, ‘crierched free’. (It’s how old people move, if yer not familiar).

Which seemed incredibly lenient to me. Kim said ‘it was the most frightening thing ever in her life’. Not including when she first looked into a mirror before any work had been done and saw herself as God made her. That was so scary she’s made the careers of 19 plastic surgeons in California.

But these guys, to the French, they’re just ‘nice old boys’, it is not, ‘ow you say?, nice, to bang them up for the rest of their lives. I’d like to ask the judge if a gun is any less of a gun if its held by a geezer of 75?

Yet there’s the other side of the story. Spoiled stupid rich bitch in possession of more money than the population of 3 Parisienne arrondissements, flaunts a 6 million pound ring in public and thinks she’s safe because, like Barbie, she’s over 80% plastic.

Ok, I’m not a big fan. Of someone who’s become famous by encouraging a generation to obsess about every facet of their appearance. Your tits are too small; make ‘em bigger. Your ass is too skinny; make it MASSIVE. Your husband’s an abusive piece of shit; get single. Nose too short, eyes too… eye-like, lips too… un-lippy; just fill it/cut it/inject it/whatever.

Alright, I’ve had work done. We all have. You simply can’t stay this beautiful without help. But the Kardashians made a career of it. They normalised vanity at the expense of all else. And made fortunes doing it. What does that say about the people who enriched them by watching it?

Happy Saturday

A xxxx