Here’s a question for you, after my extensive (all the people here), longitudial (3 days) and very statistically valid (because I think so) study of cultural norms and habits in the populations of the entire continent of North America. This is the question: what do you call a fat Canadian? Answer: an American.

This is a three part study, Americans, Canadians and Mexicans. Based mainly on the dimensions of the box you’d need to store one person. Only the first two of those groups feel the need to enter a swimming pool with a drink in one hand and a phone in the other, like our model above.

Mexicans are easy because they’re already box-shaped. In fact they’re lovely. All of them. Ok, the murderous ones in Acapulco and Mexico City not so lovely, probably, but the ones here are fabulously smiley, friendly and delightful. And they’re all of a type. Short, squat, solid and square. Every single one of them, male and female. Except for the babe who took our Zumba class this morning who was beyond gorgeousness with levels of slimness and athleticism not otherwise seen in the general population. Every food that is nominally ‘Mexican’ is fried. They fry fucking everything. And do it very well. But is that healthy? I must question, however tasty it makes food. And Zumba? Yeah, well, desperate times, man.

Canadians are nice people. Not all, but most. They’re big, friendly and quite tall. And they drink a lot. There again, no-one comes to an ‘all inclusive resort’ not to drink a lot. They’re almost normal size, but taller. But if you find someone speaking with that kind of accent who weighs in at 350lbs, that’ll be an American. Not even a fat American. You really have to scale the heights to become one of those. This is a normal person of the USA. A colossus. Requiring a box six foot long, 5 foot wide and 5 foot deep to accommodate him/her. Some are quite friendly but best avoided at meal times.

Tomorrow we’ll concentrate on the other dominant grouping here in Mexico (and everywhere else in the world), Orientals.

There is one other British couple here. I met the man-half at breakfast piling, I kid you not, about a kilo of blueberries onto his plate. I told him that indeed, if you eat 10 blueberries a day, the oxidising effect can prolong your life by a year. However, if you eat 1000 a day, you will not prolong it by 100 years. You’ll be in hospital being sick. Your body can only metabolise so much good stuff, just like bad stuff. The rest is wasted. He’s from Birmingham so I’m not sure how much he understands.

But I’ve resisted the urge to ask anyone ‘where are you from’, you know, just in case they get upset and I get sacked for racism.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx