So you go to the top of the walkway at Mount Cook, or the tulip gardens of Amsterdam, or the Eiffel Tower, Machu Pichu, the Great Barrier Reef, even Trafalgar Square, and what do you find? You find the universal curse of worldwide tourism: The Japanese! In droves, all following their team leader, who carries a Rising Sun flag on top of a stick. And shouts at them constantly, really loudly, quite aggressively. Sounds like he’s calling them to war against an ancient foe, in reality he’s describing the cross-pollination of mountain daisies.

And wherever you stop to take a photo, three of them step in front of you. You think you’re alone for a minute because you can hear the bellow of the tour guide 20 metres below you, but 7 escape to fuck up your shot.

They are the terrorists of tourism. And now they dress like jihadis too. It must be a cultural thing but wearing a breathing mask in Tokyo’s polluted atmosphere is one thing. Wearing one on top of a mountain in deepest New Zealand is really something else. Something different. Something much more stupid. When you accompany that mask with a full-face covering, headscarf AND hat so that all you can see is their sunglasses, you have the full jihadi look.

Not that I have anything against Japanese, honest to goodness, but when they travel they morph into a multi-peopled single organism that is extremely harmful to your health. They get stuck in yer fucking teeth.

But even that couldn’t dispel the feeling of wonderful bonhomie I felt to all mankind this morning after Spurs latest, greatest win over Bournemouth yesterday. 5-nil. I mean… I mean… its just…

11 goals scored in four days. Southampton had to wait… I don’t think they’ve scored 11 yet this season, but who cares about them. And although I have a soft spot for Bournemouth, and may yet be forced to develop a full-blown crush on Eddie Howe, it was wonderful to beat them. Incredibly Man City lost (AGAIAIAIAINNNN!!!) and thus we jumped over them into second place.

OMG.

I mean mountains and lakes and the most beautiful places on the planet are one thing, but THIS IS FOOTBALL!!! THIS IS TOTTENHAM!!!!!

Happy Thursday… I think

A xxxx