This picture is not actually Mel photobombing a picture with a bunch of Indian schoolgirls. She would normally have done exactly that. Anything for attention. Never afraid of being a bully. But here in India the attention comes to her. And this was the result of a sweet little girl pleading to let her take a photo with Mel. Who is used to dealing with papperazzi, fighting off autograph seekers, selfie fiends and money lenders. But agreed to let the girl take her pic. Which ended up ‘the class of 2016/1965’.

We were at Gandhi’s house. He wasn’t in. Well, not as we knew him. He’s there in spirit. Its a cool house but there again, he was a cool guy. And so ahead of his time. He died in 1948. Killed by a Hindu who was annoyed that the great man had given too much of India away to become Pakistan the previous year.

Anyway, he’s dead now. Only his glasses and walking sticks survive. And a lot of his philosophy and the advances he implemented. He never got involved in ‘money’. Otherwise things today might be different.

You can’t buy Indian Rupees outside of India. And now you can’t really buy them here. There aren’t enough. Because this year the Indian government, sick of the number of forged notes in circulation, withdrew the 500 Rupee (about 6 quid) note, and the 1000 note (about… carry 4… divide by 7…) 12 quid. Suddenly they were no longer legal tender. Obviously you could change them at the bank. Until next week, 30th December, then they die too. So everyone went to the bank with their hard-earned biscuit tins full of cash from under their beds, and had to change them to the largest note then available. The 100 Rupee note. Worth fuck-all. Ok, worth about 80p. So after a few weeks of “I have 35,000 Rupees to change please”, they ran out of 100 Rupee notes. Einstein would have foreseen this problem. Gandhi would have foreseen this problem. Sadly both deceased. And no-one in the rest of the population of 1 billion souls did foresee the problem. No-one suggested; oh hang on, why don’t we print up some new, forgery-proof notes, big ones, BEFORE we get rid of the old? No? Ok, I thought it was a good idea, but obviously not. Instead they’ve introduced the 2000 note!! That’s a good idea. Except you give the chai-walla one of them for your morning cuppa (they don’t do the Starbucks grande cup thing here at all), and he has to find 19 of the 100 Rupee notes in your change.

As a consequence of this, tourists who are always not just encouraged, but encouraged to SPEND, SPEND, SPEND, are allowed to change just $75 into Rupees each. And the best bit: that’s per week. Its logged against your passport number and circulated. And the ‘black market’ simply has no cash left either. So that’s just one pair of shoes and we’re done. Or 32,000 cups of chai.

I’m living the fucking dream.

Happy Christmas Eve

A xxxx