We’ll be watching tv, and on it will come… adverts!!! I know, who watches live tv, ffs??? but sometimes we do. And I’ll hear my wife utter a semi-silent “hmmm…” or “ooooh…” and I know that within two shakes of an Amazon delivery van, or possibly one brief visit to John Lewis, Waitrose, Robert Dyas, Boots, Iceland, Zara or Sports Direct, Harrods, Halfords, we will have one of those in our home. Same happens as she leafs through the weekend papers, ‘homes’ sections. Because whereas I’m the most cynical bastard super-sceptic in the whole world, my wife is a believer. That’s why it’s such a perfect relationship, she believes everything I say, from here to eternity, and I trust her as far as I could throw her.

And it’s also why we have rather a lot of ‘things’. Which others don’t. Gadgets. Gizmos. Holders, helpers, supports, little widgets, big widgets, things to keep shoes in good shape, bath pillows, an anti-theft car-key wallet, which got stolen, a window condensation power-vac, spacers to… er… keep certain things apart; its why I take vitamin A tablets, vitamin C ‘chewies’, will be standing in the kitchen and have my mouth sprayed with vitamin D whilst I’m singing the high note in ‘I will always love you’. Witney never had that. The only reason she could hit the note better than I can.

And it why I’m sitting here accompanied by the world’s most random drum solo. Because our tumble dryer has been efficient-ci-fied. It was using too much power, taking too long, creasing the clothes more than necessary… errrr… fading the clothes a bit? So we have some little plastic balls with little plastic spikes nobbles on, which, when added to the clothes, stop all that shit, dead!!! Takes half the time to dry, clothes are quicker, cleaner, dryer, newer!!! and only uses half the power. Maybe only a quarter. Because of the nobbles. They’re special nobbles. And all you have to do is listen to them hitting the inside of the ‘drum’ (clue’s in the name) again, and again, and again and it’s fucking LOUDDDDD!!!

Anyway, Israel is now at war, which I know because I’ve listened to the collective opinion of the ‘impartial’ world telling me how, basically, ‘they deserve it’ and then, to cap it all, Spurs have had a man sent off at Luton!!! Holy shit. Weekend’s turning into a disaster!!!

Happy Saturday

A xxxx