The most brilliant news ever. The Coronavirus death total in England has changed from 46,000 to just 41,000!!! I mean… I mean… I mean… this government has just saved 5,000 people!!! Jesus Christ himself didn’t save that many. (Ok, if you count the ‘re-borns’ in Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, and re-define ‘saved’, then maybe). Where are we going to house them? The 5,000 whisked from the ignominy of Covid Death, back to fucking LIFE!!!! Think how happy they must feel! Last week I died of Covid and now, thanks to Boris, thanks to our blessed government, thanks to a whole bunch of faceless, humourless, charisma-free ‘suits’ in the statistics department, I bloody didn’t!!!

And its so spiritual. Though sadly, most of us inhabit the real, boots-on-the-ground world, down here and reckon, philosophically, that ‘dead is dead’. Whereas ‘up there’ in Westminster, they think in such high planes of purity and enlightenment that they now have five ways of assessing Covid death.

1. You died from catching Covid 19.
2. You died of something but had Covid 19 at the time.
3. You died of something deathly but had a mild cough 5 months previously.
4. You were shot 17 times at close range but one of the people in the room at the time should have been isolating.
5. You didn’t die at all but these are Covid times so you could have.

What could be more simple than that? Bravo Boris!! Our leader and saviour.

Let me tell you about ‘my’ Joey. My little grandson. Because he’s 1 year and (nearly) 3 months old and I want to enrol him in terrorism school. He’s a natural. A destroyer of all he touches. A person who leaves a trail of devastation and chaos in his wake as he stumbles along looking to eat the entire world. Ok, he’s a baby. They’re all like that. But, but, but… actually they’re not. I had two daughters. They were nothing like that. Then along came Lila, now a virtual ‘grand dame’ and a picture of demure elegance and calmly considered everything. She was like that a little bit but was always happy to read 6 books in a sitting without trying to eat them or rip them to shreds before rushing off to thump an iPad repeatedly with the pepper pot. Joey has the face of an angel. And the attitude of a Millwall fan. A hungry one. I couldn’t love him more even if the entire house was not totally broken.

Happy Friday

A xxxx