So we all have a decision to make. Do we ignore the Coronavirus altogether and keep on with what is known as ‘life’? Or do we convert to mask-wearing sneeze-averse, cling-film wrapped paranoids, avoiding all possible contact with anyone, working from home, having the Ocado geezer leave ALL THE SHOPPING AT THE END OF THE PATH BY THE ROAD! DON’T WALK ANY CLOSER!!!! and hand sanitising 263 times a day? The choice is yours. And either is ok.

Every year in the U.K. 17,000 people die of flu. Just regular, common-or-garden, English, non-imported, domestic, home-grown (possibly) flu. The sort that makes you feel like shit and keeps you in bed sweating for 3 days thinking you’re going to die but (unless you’re one of the unlucky 17k) just goes away leaving you fine. And there’s never any fuss. Never a panic. Never an incitement to MASK UP!!!! In fact it barely makes the news.

Yet one Chinaman, we’ll call him Mr Li, just on percentage grounds, dies in Wuhan and we have a pandemic. A world catastrophe, shut the schools, close off the airports, sell your shares, abandon life as we know it. If it wasn’t for football all public gatherings would have been long outlawed. But there’s way too much money in the Premier League for it to be affected by a few deaths. And as most football fans only read the sports pages and hence don’t know about Coronavirus, their ignorance is bliss. Unless they’re Spurs fans in which case their ignorance is FUCKING AGONY.

I personally think you have more chance dying from a terrible Spurs performance than you have from Coronavirus. But I’m no Doctor. I rarely even go to the doctor. Only for scans.

Possibly my favourite Stephen King book is The Stand. Old but sheer brilliance. It’s about a post apocalyptic world in which a ‘plague’ has killed off 99.99% of the world’s population, leaving only the tiny number blessed with natural immunity. Being Stephen King they divide into the GOOD and the BAD and weird things happen. But its a story of survival. Because when the Ocado guy dies, you don’t get fed. And a few other problems.

So by about May, we’ll either be there, in The Stand, taking our side in the fight for mankind’s massively diminished future, with me and Lila and all the good guys, possibly on the ‘dark side’ with all the remaining Arsenal fans and devil worshippers, or it’ll all just blow away as the temperatures rise. Because Corona don’t like heat.

Let us pray for global warming. Like NOW!

Happy, healthy Tuesday

A xxxx