I found my self in such a desperate state yesterday afternoon that I watched England play Ukraine! Like, a whole weekend and no football? Its unthinkable. Well, no ‘proper’ football. There was a time when an international would fill me with patriotic joy and nationalistic excitement and then I’d get the cross of St George out, shave my head, put on my Doc Martens, iron my sta-prest (no irony there then… nor there) and go out to kick the shit out of someone. Nothing to do with football, its just what you did in 1972. But now, I’m out of love with internationals. Actually resent the ‘international breaks’ in my game. And view watching England with the same degree of condescension and snobbery as ‘watching the Football League’ or even stooping to… women’s football! But it was on and any football’s better than no football, right?

But Ukraine? We had to play Ukraine? Is it acceptable to beat them? I mean, haven’t they suffered enough, FFS? First Russia, now this?

It gave me a further opportunity to watch England’s all-time, bestest goal-scoring, superhero-type wonder-person and captain fantastic: Harry Kane. Who I love dearly. As much for his natural humility and out-and-out decent-blokiness as for his ability to score shit-loads of goals. Overtaking, as he has now done, Wayne Rooney to be our best ever everything. And this now, by a new law set in 2021, is how the conversation goes:

Wow, Harry Kane’s the leading goal scorer ever for England. Therefore he must leave Spurs.

Did you see that wonderful Harry Kane goal? He’s gotta leave Spurs now.

There’s so much more to Harry Kane than just goals, about time he went to Barcelona/Real Madrid/Manchester City…

No-one ever says:

Great goal by Saka; when’s he leaving Arsenal?
That player’s so good its about time he left his club.
Harry McGuire is so lumpen and lardish he should be playing for Plymouth.

Although they do now include Declan Rice in such conversations. He’s ‘too good for his club’.

As if any club other than one of the super-rich, Middle-East-backed, rule-breaking, financially-despicable, morally-vacuumed, tax-avoiding silverware-buyers-at-any-price, is just there as a breeding ground to provide them with their best players. (Or the Spanish equivalent. They manage all the above over there without Middle-East support).

Harry is loyal. Obviously, loyalty can be measured in how many barrels of crude oil it takes to buy that man’s soul, get that football club or obtain a World Cup. And if someone offered me 400 grand a week to help sanitise the image of a human-rights-abusing nation, even someone as morally high-grounded as MEEEEEE, would indeed have to think twice.

Ok, if North Korea offered me 20 quid I’d be there tomorrow.

Its all wrong.

Happy Monday

A xxxx